Human Error
by gluegirl56
Summary: Captain Pike centered story with missing scenes and tags from Season Two Episode "New Eden" to "Such Sweet Sorrow". Taking command over an entirely different crew does have it's ups and downs. Plenty of angst, hurt/comfort and awkward moments to come.
1. The Aftermath

**Star Trek Discovery***

Human Error

**Chapter One **

_New Eden_ \- The Aftermath

Lieutenant Detmer successfully performed the Donut maneuver causing a cheer to erupt from the gathering on the bridge. When Commander Saru glanced around the room he was both delighted and relieved at the same time, he wanted to jump up and click his heels together but restrained himself as he thought of what signals that might send to the rest of the bridge crew. He wasn't a child but a serious and seasoned Starfleet officer, the first Kelpian in fact who'd made it into the Academy. He was immensely proud of what he'd achieved and who he'd become through hard work and determination. He was therefore a bit disappointed not to be trusted with his own command but decided it had been for the best to settle into the role of XO once again, at least for a little while. He would never demand to have his own ship, it was not his way of doing things instead he wanted to earn it. Maybe Admiral Cornwell had been right when she'd told it him it was too soon to expect the rank of captain even though he'd performed exemplary during the war.

Saru sighed as he glanced around the jovial faces of the bridge crew of the _Discovery_, there was hope in the eyes of his fellow officers again. How he'd missed to see the genuine smiles around him. It had been trying times. He would never forget the day Michael Burnham betrayed their Captain Philippa Georgiou, he would never forget the news of her death, never forget what happened afterwards. After the tragic yet heroic demise of his friend and superior officer and the detainment of her XO, Michael Burnham, Saru had been temporarily lost, his faith in humanity gone. It hadn't been until the new ship, the _USS Discovery_, had been introduced to him and some of his former colleagues that he felt hope returning again.

Never in his wildest dreams could he have foreseen the fact that the man he'd come to respect as his new commanding officer, even though he seemed a bit rough around the edges, had been an impostor from another universe. Saru grew dismayed every time he thought back upon the little things Captain Lorca had said and done during the year onboard, it had been pure and simple manipulation of everyone and everything around him that eventually drove them all into great danger and prolonged the suffering of others. In the surrealistic reality Captain Lorca called home he'd also lost his life, ironically killed by the woman sharing the very form of Saru's old commanding officer, Philippa Georgiou.

Saru stared out the view screen without really seeing anything, caught up in thoughts of old friends and foes. He had lost so many that he was afraid he couldn't bear to lose anyone else. Therefore it felt good to save all those innocent men and women on the planet and it was of great relief to him when Lieutenant Commander Airiam reported that the landing party was finally back onboard.

Not only had they avoided a disaster on the planet, they'd also gotten their people back. Saru was so confident in Michael Burnham and Joann Owosekun that he never bothered to call down to the transporter room to make sure everything was in order. Therefore he was both troubled and surprised as the turbolift doors swooshed open a few minutes later to reveal only Owosekun.

She looked around the bridge with a look of remorse and hesitated slightly before she walked up to him where he sat in the captain's chair. "Captain Pike has been injured," she said in a subdued voice. "It's bad, sir."

Saru felt his mood plummet, his throat suddenly dry. Feeling ashamed of himself for whishing a command only a few minutes earlier. He liked what he'd seen of Pike so far. "What happened?" he managed.

"He saved a child from being vaporized by one of our phasers. He didn't hesitate, he lounged for it and shielded the rest of us with his body. It seemed like a reflex," she explained. "Why would he do that?"

"Because he's a true Captain bound by the rules of Starfleet," Saru whispered under his breath.

However, Owosekun obviously hadn't heard him as she continued, seemingly in shock. "Is the Captain supposed to be put into such a situation at all?"

Saru swallowed, he was technically Pike's XO now and the _Discovery_ their ship. Even though in reality the interim captain already had a loyal crew, a ship of his own and an XO Saru still considered Pike to be his responsibility. He sighed inwardly, Captain Pike was not just any captain, he happened to be commanding the Flagship of the Federation. It was easy to forget at times as the man seemed so down to earth and kind yet Saru had seen first-hand the determination with which the captain acted when his mind was set.

The Kelpian nodded at the woman in front of him and silently thanked her for the information even though her words had created a tension amongst the officers around him. "Bridge to sickbay," he called.

"_Sickbay,"_ Michael Burnham's voice filled the open com channel. _"Saru, it's good to hear your voice."_

"And yours, commander," he replied politely. "Although I was expecting Doctor Pollard to answer."

Burnham didn't reply at first and when she finally did, her voice sounded hollow and strained. _"She's working on Captain Pike at the moment," _she said. _"It would seem that our new captain does things the hard way or not at all."_

"I won't keep you," Saru said seriously. "Please let us know what happens."

"_Yes, sir,"_ she answered curtly and killed the connection.

She let out a sigh and leaned heavily against the wall opposite the small room where the captain was currently residing. It was an ugly wound, a third degree burn that had scorched the flesh and tissue. The shockwave of the blast had cracked or broken several ribs, his respiratory functions was affected and she guessed the right lung had been bruised as well. She marveled at his resoluteness, there had been no hesitation on his part, he'd acted on instinct, on instinct to save others. It was an unselfish act but far from harmless and Michael feared for his life. She'd learned to school her feelings while living on Vulcan but no matter how many hours or how much effort she put into it she could not erase her humanity. She willed for her new captain to stay alive, to fight the pain and shock the wound was causing him. The memory of Philippa Georgiou impaled on the floor of the Klingon vessel was still fresh in her mind and Captain Lorca's deception. She couldn't lose another superior officer so soon after what she'd been through, she refused to accept it.

"Come on, captain," she whispered. "You've got to fight this. Not only for the _Discovery_ and her crew but for the _Enterprise_ and her crew and for the sake of my brother. I hear he looks up to you."

OOOOOO

Doctor Tracy Pollard sighed as she sat down behind the common desk that the officers and privates shared next to what had been nicknamed the ICU. She stole a glance at the semi-dark room that housed the captain, she could make out his silhouette and the screen above his head that dutifully reported his vitals to her. It had been close, too close for her liking. She was a junior grade, she wasn't supposed to have this kind of responsibility. She really whished Doctor Culber was alive and there to help her, he was well and truly missed amongst the staff. The CMO was more of a science officer that liked to spend her days drooling over a cryotube with various specimen.

Pollard sighed once again and ran a tired hand through her black hair. 'Captain Christopher Pike,' she mused. He had an interesting medical file to say at least, it seemed he was a man of action and quite daring too.

As a physician she'd met a lot of people officers and privates alike. There was no division among them, all should be treated accordingly but there was something about the man lying on the biobed before her that made her slightly nervous. She couldn't put a finger on it but she felt anticipation. He instilled hope in people all around her. On her meal break only hours ago she'd heard a few crewmen from engineering talking about him and then she'd heard Detmer and Airiam mentioning his name.

One of the younger nurses had hesitated when he'd been brought in and after calling her on it after she'd finished treating Pike the woman had blurted, "It's the captain of the _USS Enterprise_, he's a flagship officer. What if I hurt him?"

Tracy had smiled at that but strangely enough she knew the feeling. The unconscious man before her looked serene and kind but there was aura of authority that seemed to surround him even in his sleep. She got out of the chair and carefully made her way over to him, careful not to disturb him. The doctor quickly noted the various readings on the monitor above the captain's head and a faint upward curl was displayed on her lips. Christopher Pike was going to be okay, his vitals was slowly returning to normal but it wouldn't do for her to let him out of sight for at least a day or two. She wondered briefly how he would react to that. His record told her he had a high threshold for pain and she pondered the idea of cutting back on the pain relievers if he was adamant to leave early but decided against it. She'd deal with that later when it came to that. For now she was just going to make sure he was resting peacefully.

OOOOOO

Ensign Tilly was exhausted, her head felt like it was going to explode and her eyes hurt but she couldn't go to bed. She was mulling over her friend, her mind going into overdrive as she stood alone in the turbolift. 'She didn't even know that May was onboard the ship. How come she hadn't run into her earlier?' she wondered as the lift stopped and the doors opened on deck five. "Something is seriously wrong here."

"So it seems," Michael Burnham deduced as she stepped in to join her friend. "Are you all right? I heard you tried to take a sample of the asteroid. That's-"

"I succeeded," Tilly blurted. "That's right, I'd forgotten all about it. I better go down there."

Burnham quickly stepped in front of her. "No, no, Tilly," she admonished, having been briefed about Tilly's appearance on the bridge earlier and that the asteroid was off ship. "Why don't I walk you back to your quarters?"

"I can't sleep," she said sincerely.

"Saru said you looked worn out and a little lost on the bridge. He is worried about you, we all are," Burnham said softly. "If you'd rather go to sickbay."

"No, no. I've had enough of Doctor Pollard for the time being," Tilly replied absentmindedly as she carefully glanced around the small room.

"_Stilly,"_ May's voice floated gloatingly over the small space.

Tilly gulped, her long lost friend's voice suddenly sounded tantalizing and-

Michael followed her gaze. "Is something wrong?" she asked.

Tilly refocused on Burnham. "What? No, I was just-" she trailed off and smiled insecurely. "Don't you see her?"

Michael frowned. "See who?" she asked.

"I guess you're right. I am tired," Sylvia blurted.

Michael narrowed her eyes slightly but said nothing as she studied her former roommate. Sylvia reached up with her hand to rub her temples.

"How was Terralysium?" she asked suddenly.

"Interesting," Burnham replied succinctly without elaborating.

"Don't be like that. I know you. There is something you're not telling me," Tilly fired off. "Something's happened, hasn't it? Did you see the red angel?"

Michael sighed. "No, nothing like that. But I believe there is evidence of it having been there before," she let on.

"Well, that's a good thing, right?" Tilly asked jovially. "What does Captain Pike say?"

"_The captain is dying, Stilly,"_ May whispered faintly.

"Tilly," Michael began.

The ensign stiffened. "What?" she whispered somewhat in shock.

"Tilly?" Michael repeated, worriedly this time.

"Just ignore me," she replied. "You were saying?"

"Nothing that can't wait. I think we need to get you to bed," she said.

"No, no. Something's happened to Captain Pike," she deduced with dread.

To her surprise Burnham nodded. "The captain took a phaser blast to his chest," she explained.

Tilly gasped as May nodded where she stood behind Michael. "Maybe I should check in with Doctor Pollard anyway," she said quickly. "I mean, I don't feel so great really."

Satisfied that Tilly seemed to see the logic behind her suggestion to go to sickbay, Michael gently began to lead her out of the turbolift.

Tilly glanced over her shoulder and saw to her despair that the woman she'd considered to be her friend in junior school was walking behind them, following them. She gulped miserably but said nothing. She forced herself to focus and take a deep breath. However, as they entered the dimly lit sickbay Tilly's worry about May was long gone and replaced by an increasing concern for a certain captain she'd hardly gotten to know yet. All she'd managed to do so far had been to make a fool of herself by trying to break his little finger and tell him he'd beautiful nailbeds. Tilly groaned inwardly. That wasn't the worst of it, no she'd also managed to put his classified file on display for the entire bridge crew to see.

"Will he be all right?" she whispered, unable to take her eyes off the pale man lying prone on the biobed.

OOOOOO

_*This was written by a sleep-deprived in the middle of the night and had some inconsistencies to the episode, therefore I have reposted the chapter. Thanks for your lovely feedback! _


	2. Recovery

**Chapter Two **

_New Eden_ \- Recovery

Saru took a deep breath and absentmindedly straightened his back as he walked into sickbay one. Although Doctor Pollard had reassured him over the com channel that their interim captain was going to be all right he felt the need to see for himself. He set a brisk pace across the room and curiously halted mid-step as he was about to pass the medical board displaying an overview of the patients currently admitted. Someone had brought up the injuries of Captain Pike on it and left it there. Saru was not well educated in medicine, it was not his field, but he shuddered at the red-marked area covering a large proportion of the captain's right side. The XO suddenly froze as he felt a hand on his arm and carefully turned around only to come face to face with the shorter dark-haired doctor. Tracy Pollard nodded at him, indicating for him to follow her over to a small office.

As the Kelpian, who was the last to enter, had walked in the elegant glass doors closed behind him. Tracy went over to the desk and sat down behind it. She gave him an admonishing look and, for a moment, he felt threatened by it. 'Don't be ridiculous,' he reasoned, she will do you no harm.

"Commander Saru," Tracy began slowly as she clasped her hands in front of her. "I understand that it was Captain Pike's decision to travel planet-side and I know you have no power to stop him, he's the senior officer but-"

Saru began to see where this was going and opened his mouth to answer but the doctor beat him to the chase.

"The protocol also states that when the danger to a high-ranking officer is considered too high the officer is to stand down."

Saru shook his head sadly and crossed his arms over his chest. "Captain Pike knew the risks involved in this mission and the overall mission he's currently leading. Also you should bear in mind, doctor, that none of us thought that investigating the distress call would be cause for any concern."

"What I am trying to say, although I'm obviously not being very successful, Saru,-" Pollard began seriously, "-is that since Captain Pike came onboard two weeks ago the crew have started to loosen up, people are smiling, people are starting to have faith in the leadership onboard again. "I don't want him to end up here, I fear that one day I might not be able to save him. While the _Discovery_ is a good ship she's not a class one battlecruiser nor Constitution class. _Discovery_ is not as big, not as fast, and she's certainly not equipped with state of the art infirmary since she's not supposed to travel across the galaxies the way the _Enterprise_ is."

"_Discovery_ is a newer ship," Saru said simply. "I take pride in her and I think that the people here, the crew, is ready to give a hundred and ten percent should it come to that in a battle. I think we already have."

A moment of silence passed between them until Saru finally managed to pop the question he'd dreaded ever since he walked into the room. "How _is_ the captain?"

The doctor sighed but a rueful smile appeared on her lips. "He's going to make a full recovery," she replied.

Saru nodded with relief.

"He won't be returning to command this vessel for at least a week though," she cautioned seriously. "The phaser burn, or actually the explosion caused by the overload of the weapon was directed toward the captain's chest. There are several subdermal bleeds, the tissue has been scorched by the heat and several ribs are either cracked or entirely broken. Now, he's lucky none of them punctured his lung."

Saru swallowed.

"I've set the ribs back into position but I can't heal them completely with my instruments. There are still things that needs to be taken care of by the human body itself despite all the medical advancements that we've made thorough the century," she explained.

"Bones can be healed in a week with several treatments in sequence," Saru recalled from his limited basic field training.

Pollard nodded. "Yes, the period of healing has been cut severely compared to a hundred years ago but there is no real quick fix to this," she said. "He needs a lot of rest at the moment. He woke up briefly before and was lucid enough but I've pumped him full of heavy painkillers just to make sure the pain won't wake him up prematurely from his healing sleep."

"I see, Saru said as he gazed out through the doors of the office, his eyes finally coming to rest on the sleeping form of Captain Pike. Apart from a paleness, that seemed unnatural to the man, Pike looked well enough to wander the ship but the Kelpian had learned a long time ago that looks could be deceiving.

"I'm sorry, Saru," Tracy said regretfully, her voice softer. "I'm afraid you can't talk to him right now."

At that the XO said nothing. "How's Ensign Tilly?" he asked solemnly, hoping that the vibrant young woman was on the mend.

"Her time on the bridge certainly don't help her recovery," she reprimanded seriously but then lightened up a bit. "Michael promised me she'd help Tilly back to her quarters. I gave her a once over and prescribed some painkillers, there isn't anything else I can do for her at the moment."

"Does she know that Captain Pike has been admitted?" he asked curiously.

Tracy nodded. "Yes, the poor woman looked devastated as she spotted him. I had to reassure her that he would be okay, it took some time repeating before it sank in, she kept saying that he was dying."

A worried frown creased the Kelpian's otherwise unexpressive forehead.

"I am sure it's the stress of her own injury, she received quite a blow to her head. I'll have her check in with me in the morning," the doctor added.

"Thanks, I appreciate that, doctor," he said softly and turned to leave.

OOOOOO

Christopher Pike was drowning, his lungs seemed desperate for air and his mind screamed at him to move faster. With forceful swimming strokes he fought to reach the surface but it seemed that the surface was still too far away. A searing white pain exploded in his side and he gulped for air as his eyes snapped open. Several alarms blared next to him and within seconds several medically trained professionals rushed to his side. He groaned inwardly as he was finally able to orient himself, and realized that he was lying flat on a biobed in sickbay.

"Captain," a firm voice called as he felt a petite hand coming to rest on his shoulder. "Captain, please calm down, it's just a nightmare. You're in sickbay and we have you, try not to worry."

"Not comforting, Doctor Pollard," he managed hoarsely yet somehow he managed an amused lopsided grin.

She marveled at him for a moment. 'Was the man trying to lighten the mood despite the discomfort he must be in?' Tracy shook her head and loaded a hypo into his neck to reduce the pain he was experiencing. "Vivid nightmares is not ideal for recuperation, captain," the doctor replied softly yet her undertone was stern and serious.

He gasped as he shifted position slightly. "I'll try to remember that the next time," he assured her and glanced around the dimly lit room.

"Its two am captain," the doctor replied as if she was reading his mind. "You should try to go back to sleep."

"How about I'll go back to my quarters?" he asked hopefully.

"Out of question, sir," came the quick reply. "Your injury was severe and needs supervision. I am afraid you'll have to stay here for at least a day or two."

Pike rolled his eyes but didn't comment, instead he chose to change the subject. "How's Burnham and Owosekun?" he asked.

"They're fine, captain, there's no cause for concern. You were the only casualty," the doctor replied and then added. "The crew is concerned for your well-being."

He took a moment to study the woman before him and smirked slightly, his dimples appearing. "Something more you want to tell me?" he asked carefully. "I don't mind."

Doctor Pollard took a deep breath and hesitated for a moment. She crossed her arms over her chest and fixed him with an admonishing look only medical officers seemed to be able to give him. "Sir, it was a foolish thing to do," she said. "Like I said before, you're lucky to be alive."

OOOOOO

Ensign Sylvia Tilly sat on her bed and stared at the display before her, not fully grasping the extent of what she'd just heard. "No, no," she whispered in confusion and repeated her question. "Computer give me the location of May Ahearn."

"_Ahearn, May Theresa. Born April thirtieth 2236, deceased June ninth 2252_," the computer repeated.

Startled she glanced up as the door to her quarters opened and sighed with relief as it was only her roommate.

"You're looking much better," Michael said with a smile.

Sylvia nodded. "Yeah, I feel fine now. I was just about to go to work," she replied.

"Don't forget to check in with Doctor Pollard first," Burnham stated and then added softly. "There is no rush, take your time, Saru has rescheduled so you don't need to take your station for at least a day. Maybe you should use that time to wind down, read a good book?"

"Actually, I woke up around two am and I didn't know what to do and I really didn't want to wake you so I-" she trailed off and smirked uncertainly. "I found your book on the shelf and I got intrigued. I read a few chapters. I really hope you don't mind. I know it means a lot to you but I promise I didn't damage-"

Michael found herself smiling at the rapidly speaking woman before her. Tilly was like the little sister she'd never had. "You're my friend, Sylvia," she replied softly and reached out to place a hand on her shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze. "You can read it as many times as you want."

Tilly smiled and nodded her thanks. "I guess I'll better go down to sickbay," she reasoned.

OOOOOO

Pike sighed and he drummed his fingers against the bed as he remembered how much he hated extended sickbay visits. He felt vulnerable and, at this point even as a complete stranger. He was not surrounded by the people he knew and had come to respect and trust, he was not even on his ship.

Ironically he had asked the crew of the _Discovery_ to trust him, to have faith in him, perhaps it was time that he tried to do the same. His specialist, Commander Burnham and Lieutenant Owosekun had followed his orders exemplary on the planet, they'd respected General order one even though he himself had screwed up and placed them in a tricky situation. Pike swallowed and stared out the small window across the bay watching the stars, he had to thank them when he saw them the next time. When he was lucid that was because he'd actually heard from the doctor that they'd been to see him in sickbay when he was unconscious, eagerly awaiting news about his recovery and he'd received that with mixed emotions. He was grateful that they cared for him but he didn't want to be vulnerable, sick or injured in front of his officers or the rest of the crew for that matter.

The captain straightened where he sat, took a deep breath and almost hitched on it as it ignited a raging fire down his right side, he unconsciously put a protective hand over the wounded area and took a much shallower breath. Satisfied that he hadn't set off any alarms that would call Doctor Pollard to his bedside he carefully swung his legs over the edge of the bed just in time to see Ensign Sylvia Tilly and his XO Saru walk into the room together.

The both looked at him with concern and Saru quickly walked up to him with the ensign not too far behind. "Captain," he cautioned as he kindly placed a stabilizing hand on his superior officer's shoulder. "Sir, while you do look much better I'm not sure it's good for you to leave your bed."

"I hope I'm not interrupting some sort out sickbay break-out here," Tracy Pollard spoke up as she appeared behind them. She fixed the injured captain with a stern look.

Pike responded by giving her one of his charming smiles, the look on his face very innocent.

While the doctor seemed unfazed by it Tilly couldn't help but to feel butterflies in her stomach. The man was so dashing and also considerate and caring for others. The injury had made her realize that he was also human, like the rest of them. It wasn't like she dreamt about undressing him, that was so totally forbidden, but she had to admit that she enjoyed seeing him in the lose fitting gown he was currently wearing, it showed his muscular arms and was hinting his muscled torso. 'No, no,' she admonished herself. 'You can't hit on the captain, silly Tilly.'

"Do you need help to lie down again?" Pollard asked not the least amused.

"Doctor, this is ridiculous," the captain protested.

"There is nothing ridiculous about it, sir," Tracy replied. "The fact remains, you're recuperating from a severe injury and, as long as you do, you're my responsibility and that applies for junior officers to captains alike."

Out of the corner of his eyes he thought he'd seen Saru smile as the doctor admonished him. Pike narrowed his eyes at the Kelpian who quickly put on a neutral face.

"How are you doing, Ensign Tilly?" Pollard asked kindly as she glanced over her shoulder. "Any headache?"

Sylvia fought to tear her gaze from the captain and put on a sweet smile. "No, I am fine, Doctor Pollard. I was asked to check in with you so that I could be reinstated."

"That's unfair," Pike said softly, the tone of his voice teasing and the look on his face mildly jealous.

Tracy shook her head. "Listen to me very carefully, and I mean both of you," she cautioned and pointed a finger first at Tilly, then at Pike. "Thirty-four-hours ago you were brought into my care from the shuttle bay. A terrified Ensign Rose had found you unconscious and bleeding from a head wound. You were unresponsive and your brain was slowly swelling inside your skull. Your recovery has been quite remarkable considering the fact that instead of resting you escaped and ended up on the bridge-"

"She escaped?" the captain pouted in disbelief with a blink at the somewhat blushing ensign.

"A few hours later Captain Pike appeared on my doorstep," Pollard said and turned to face Pike. "The only thing that kept you upright was Burnham and Owosekun. "He had a severe phaser burn in his side which he got by playing hero on the planet, rescuing a child. It took my team several hours just to stabilize your condition, Captain."

Pike looked away somewhat ashamed. He knew his condition had been dire but he hadn't known it had been quite that bad. Although the doctor had said that he was lucky to be alive.

"As a doctor it's my duty to care for you and, maybe, if you consider me as a liaison or even a friend to you then you'd see that I take my job very seriously. I'm not keeping you here to be mean, sir, and I'm not saying you should take it easy, Ensign Tilly, because it is in my power to do so. I simply wish for you to have a speedy recovery and to be well."

"Point taken, doctor. I am sorry," Pike said sincerely. "I'll be a good patient."

Tracy gave him a smile and nodded in appreciation. "Thank you, captain. And after today's treatment we might begin to talk about your release."

Saru decided that was the cue to gently lock his long fingers around his superior officer's ankles and place his legs back onto the bed. At that Pike said nothing, he just nodded in appreciation.

"Come with me, Ensign Tilly," Pollard said. "Commander Saru, I must caution you not to tire the captain. Keep the debriefing short."

"I understand, doctor," the Kelpian returned as he watched Pike close his eyes, faint lines of pain creasing his forehead.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _

_A/N: Thanks for your lovely feedback, without you this would have been a one-chapter story._


	3. General Order One

**Chapter Three**

_New Eden_ – General Order One

Michael Burnham sighed and let her chin come to rest in the palms of her hands as she stared out the window in the captain's ready room. She could vaguely distinguish the continents on Terralysium from her position. She unwillingly tore her gaze away from the beautiful yet primitive planet as the doorbell suddenly chimed and caused her to straighten in the chair. "Come," she called.

Saru walked through the door and stopped just inside the room. He glanced around in appreciation as he found the interior much warmer since Pike had installed himself. The room was also richly decorated with artifacts from various places the _Enterprise_ had most likely been. He remembered a time when only a glass table occupied the large space situated next to the bridge. It was another reminder that Captain Lorca was gone and had been replaced by a much more rounded and well-respected officer. The Kelpien smirked. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought he'd serve directly under Captain Christopher Pike. Technically, Pike was just an interim captain onboard the _Discovery_ but still.

Saru was brought back from his musings by Burnham's sigh. With a troubled look he took the seat next to her and nodded toward the empty chair behind the desk with a curious look.

"Not my place to be," she murmured softly.

He nodded in understanding.

"I've written my report about the people on Terralysium," she continued as she turned to look at her friend.

Saru nodded absentmindedly. He was her superior officer, although they carried the same rank. The situation had been reversed only a year before when she'd been his superior officer. At times Saru couldn't help but to feel it was still the other way around.

"They said the 'Red Angel' saved them from earth during World War Three and placed them on Terralysium," Michael reported.

"In the white church," Saru added knowingly as he too had read the report and was coming from a debriefing with Owosekun.

"Why would they take humans away from their home planet?" she mused. "What would they gain by that and why did they chose these people before anyone else?"

"Its and interesting train of thoughts," Saru reasoned softly as he stared out the window. "The question is what we're going to do about it."

"Captain Pike had strong reservations about telling the people of our origin or to discuss anything with them concerning earth," Michael said.

"The captain is leaning on General Order One which was constituted by Starfleet during the formation of United Federation of Planets," Saru explained even though Burnham could probably recite any law she saw necessary to do so with, concerning the Federation. "I have a feeling you might disagree?"

Burnham said nothing at first but her eyes gave her away. "I respect the captain's wishes, I really do, but Jacob and the rest of them-" she paused. "-they deserve to know the truth. They know they're from earth, they know they've been abducted."

Now it was the Kelpien's turn to sigh and he suddenly felt grateful it was not his decision to make.

"They don't know what earth is like now, they don't know of the Federation. Michael, it's been two hundred years since they lost contact. Technically speaking, they're not from earth, those people-" Saru turned to his shipmate. "-they are from Terralysium, they're a pre-warp society that we have no right to interfere with."

Silence settled over two officers for a moment both contemplating the best course of action.

"We're both in science, you're an anthropologist. What are their norms and values? What guidelines applies in their society?" Saru asked.

Michael shook her head sadly.

"How do you think they'd react if we told them they've been brought so far from the Sol system that no one would ever have come to look for them hadn't it been for _Discovery's_ rather unorthodox drive system and the signals of the seven 'Red Angels'?" Saru reasoned.

"Is that your final call as a first contact specialist?" she finally asked. "That we shall let them develop their own means of space-travel even though they're a part of us originally. They share a lot of history with us."

Saru gave her a sad look and then nodded toward the empty chair opposite them. "I trust Captain Pike to make the right decision in the matter," he said and slowly got out of the chair. He took a step toward the door, then stopped and turned around to face her. "Don't you?"

A cautious ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she nodded.

OOOOOO

Ensign Sylvia Tilly made her way down to the labs and glanced over her shoulder. She felt the hairs at the back of her neck rise as she spotted May Ahearn following her at a distance. She stopped and waited for the woman to catch up.

May was smiling happily but Tilly wasn't the least amused.

"Why are you following me?" she whispered angrily through clenched teeth. "You're just an illusion, get out of my head."

"_Stilly,"_ May complained lightly and rolled her eyes. _"You were so much more fun back in the old days." _

Ignoring her company she quickened her pace and almost ran through the doors of lab one, coming face to face with a startled Paul Stamets.

"Where is the fire?" he joked with uncertainty.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly.

"Tilly, are you okay?" he asked worriedly as he walked up to her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Fine," she whispered as she opened her eyes and gave him a reassuring smile.

He gave her an odd look that told her he didn't believe her although he didn't call her on it. Instead he softened and changed the subject. "I wanted to thank you. I know what you tried to do with the asteroid."

She swallowed.

"But I'll gladly interfere with the network and hundred times if it keeps anyone from getting killed," he added seriously. "You've got a big heart, Tilly, and I love you for it."

She beamed at him, uncertain of what was to come. What was on his mind.

"Like you I thought the jump to the Klingon homeworld would be the last in a long time to come. Especially since performing a jump is a direct violation of the genetic convention. I guess I'm lucky not to have been arrested for taking the DNA from the-"

Sylvia silenced him by softly placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, just like he'd done the minute before.

"Sir,-" she began.

He shook his head and smiled at her. "Paul," he corrected. "And you know that."

She nodded brightly. "I just, you know, I don't like to see you so depressed. You deserve to be happy. The war is over and all that. I know you don't have Hugh here anymore but you have us," she reasoned.

"I'll be fine, Sylvia," he said in a subdued voice. "I just need a bit of time to come to terms with everything."

"Maybe it's a small comfort but I am here if you need me," she offered kindly.

OOOOOO

Christopher Pike couldn't wait to see Doctor Pollard. He was sitting on the biobed, shirtless, with a pad in hand trying to catch up on the events and occurrences on the ship he was supposed to be commanding.

The doctor slowly made her way to him from the other end of the room carrying a supportive strap. He eyed it suspiciously but said nothing.

"It's even more colorful today," she noted as she took in the various nuances of purple that was currently gracing the right side of his chest. The wound had been sealed by a dermal generator but the spot where the phaser had impacted could easily be distinguished.

"Please, Doctor Pollard, I'm taking up valuable space-"

She snorted with a smirk on her face. "Nice try captain," she commended. "Diplomatic."

He smirked cunningly and his seemed to twinkle as he put down the pad to give her his full attention.

She ran a medical tricorder over him that chirped happily until it scanned the injured area and started to give low warning tones. Pike couldn't help but to grimace.

Pollard frowned and then put the tricorder aside and fed the scans into the screen behind her, enlarging it for the captain to see. "You see this?" she asked and stabbed a finger at the red area displayed to indicate where most damage had been done. "The tissue is deeply affected, the nerve ends are frayed and or broken here which is why you don't feel anything when touching it. However, the ribs will cause you some discomfort. The bones are healing, you're responding well to the treatment, but it will still be a full week before you can lift things or take a run without experiencing pain."

The captain refrained from rolling his eyes in frustration.

"I don't recommend any strenuous activities whatsoever and while I understand your desire to return to duty I cannot let you for at least a week. You'll understand why as you walk away from here. You might feel good at the moment but the energy you've been building up while recuperating in here will not last for any longer period of time, you will tire easily."

Pike sighed wearily. "Doctor Pollard," he began seriously. "I know this is a polite way to tell me I'm not ready for command, that I won't be returning to normal for at least-" he trailed off and waved lazily with his hand in frustration. "However, as it is, all that is required of me is to sit in a chair and talk and I think I can manage that."

She nodded, a tight smile forming on her lips. "I need you to be well, captain, for all of us. The _Discovery_ needs you at your best. The crew is starting to trust again, starting to have hopes for the future. You asked us to trust you, may I ask that you start to trust us and me in particular?" she said.

He leaned forward and leveled his eyes with hers as he spoke up sincerely. "I've never had any reason to doubt any of you, believe me. It's just that I don't feel comfortable being exposed or vulnerable amongst other people."

"No, you're the type to carry the world's problems singlehandedly on your broad shoulders," she guessed. "I'll tell you what, sir, no one can bear that burden, at least not for very long. You're human like the rest of us, not even a starship captain is invincible."

"You do remind me of someone I know," he said with a twinkle in his blue eyes. "Do you cover as a bartender at times too?"

Tracy Pollard laughed and shook her head. "I met your CMO, Doctor Boyce, at the academy several years ago when he was teaching. He was one of the best, captain, but he's also one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. And I believe, sir, he's just the CMO you need."

Pike began to chuckle which ended in a faint grimace of pain. "Don't make me laugh," he cautioned.

OOOOOO

Tilly was running, she was running both from herself and from her imaginary friend. Her heart was racing and the blood was pumping hard through her system. It ached in her chest as she rounded the corner to the turbolift on deck six. Stepping into the cramped space she leaned forward, hands on her thighs and gasped for air. How she needed that, it was strangely refreshing to use every ounce of energy stored in the body for exercise. Her mind started to relax although her legs was cramping and her lower back was slowly killing her.

"Deck three," she croaked.

"_Silly Tilly,"_ a very familiar voice began sweetly.

The ensign stiffened. "Go away," she begged.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	4. Awkward Moments

**Chapter Four**

_New Eden_ – Awkward Moments

It was early morning the next day as a tired and aching Sylvia Tilly woke up. She groaned and rolled over on her stomach at the sound of the wake-up call. Her roommate jumped out of bed with an agility and grace Tilly was sure she would never manage.

"Come on sleepyhead," Michael teased softly. "Don't you have a command training exercise today?"

"Huh," Tilly replied and gingerly made it into a sitting position.

"You're not going to fall asleep again are you?" Burnham asked in concern. "Are you all right, Tilly?"

"No, no and yes to the latter. I'll be checking in with Commander Saru in time, don't you worry," she assured her friend. "You go ahead with your day."

Fifteen minutes later Tilly let out a large yawn as she stood outside the captain's ready room. Absentmindedly she stepped right in without ringing the doorbell. Suddenly wide awake she blushed with embarrassment as she realized she'd come to stand face to face with a shirtless Captain Pike.

Equally surprised to see her he managed a frown as he looked up from his injured side, a hand protectively laid over it. "Ensign," he said curtly.

Tilly silently wished there was an airlock nearby in which she could space herself. "Oh my goodness, captain, I'm so sorry," she began. "I didn't mean to- I mean, I thought Commander Saru- I mean he said he'd be here and-"

Despite the fact that she'd intruded on him, invaded his privacy and forgotten how to chime the doorbell, a faint yet amused smile creased the captain's lips, displaying his disarming dimples. "I suppose you could say you've caught me red-handed," he joked.

"I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't mean-" she grimaced at the sound of her voice and then nodded at his chest. "Seems painful, sir."

"Not all that bad," he replied softly and then added. "I'll remember to lock the door next time."

She blushed once again.

"You don't have to look so scared, Ensign Tilly, I promise you I won't bite," he said.

She shook out of her stupor. "No, no of course not," she managed. 'Seems not only the nailbeds are nice,' she marveled and then quickly chided herself.

Pike gingerly shrugged into a tight undershirt and then reached for a grey medical strap which he placed protectively around his torso. "Commander Saru is expecting all the command trainees in the engineering section in thirty minutes, ensign," he offered. "I told him I wanted my ready room back."

"Why, yes, of course," she managed. "Once again, I'm so sorry, sir."

Pike watched amusedly as a profusely apologizing Tilly backed out the door. He shook his head and pushed the intercom button. "Commander Burnham would you please report to my ready room?"

OOOOOO

Commander Paul Stamets swallowed, his mouth dry as he stared at the small chamber from a distance. It wouldn't be long now before Captain Pike returned from Terralysium and he had a feeling that the moment he did the captain would give the order for Black Alert. Paul sighed and ran a weary hand over his face. He hadn't seen Hugh while jumping to the Beta Quadrant and while he secretly treasured the moments being near his deceased lover and husband he also feared them. It made the longing and the denial of the doctor's death insufferable. He should have transferred off the _Discovery_ the moment Hugh died but he hadn't had time, hadn't had anywhere else to go or anyone to turn to.

The communications panel on the wall sounded suddenly and Paul took a deep breath, as if stealing himself for what was to come.

"_Transporter room to lab one,"_ Pike's voice carried loud and clear over the channel.

"I'm ready to go, sir," Paul spoke up in resignation as he made his way over and into the chamber to activate the system.

The door opened with a whoosh behind him and a troubled-looking ensign, who appeared slightly out of breath, entered the room and took up a position next to a control panel. "Sorry, I'm late," she mouthed with a wry smile. "Don't you even think of jumping without me."

A genuine but tight smile creased the commander's lips as he nodded his thanks to her through the glass.

"_Good,"_ Pike's voice sounded. _"Take us back into the Alpha Quadrant and, if it's possible, please bring us close to space dock." _

"Since our drive is quite unique and unethical I can't jump too close to any known area," Stamets cautioned.

"_As close as you can then, Pike out." _

"He's eager to get back to his ship," Tilly explained unnecessarily, her voice bright, as the connection was severed.

OOOOOO

A weary Captain Pike sat down at the conference table in his ready room and placed the old and worn helmet on the tabletop. He unzipped the jacket of his uniform and unfastened the collar strap. He began to examine the camera closely, fidgeted with it for a moment and then played the recording. Surprised at first, he saw the images flashing before him and heard the screams of the confused soldiers and townspeople alike as the church was displaced. He marveled at it, he knew he shouldn't be surprised, nothing should be able to surprise him anymore considering his service record but, still, he frowned and then openly stared at the being appearing at the end of the recording.

He rewind and froze the picture to see more clearly but the shape was not entirely distinguishable. It intrigued him as the truth eluded him and he frowned as he leaned forward in his chair. "What are you?" he whispered. "Where are you leading us?"

OOOOOO

It was close to midnight as Commander Michael Burnham came to stand alone in the mess hall, staring out through the large windows, her eyes unseeing and her mind miles away. She clasped her hands behind her back and unconsciously straightened her posture just as her stepfather had reminded her to do on several occasions when she had been younger. Her thoughts kept wandering back to the seven signals and the 'Red Angel', her brother and what had transpired on the planet's surface.

She desperately needed to find her brother, to talk to him, maybe she could convince her captain to let her take leave and go to Starbase 5. Michael smirked. When had she began to see her interim captain as her real commanding officer? Ironically, Captain Pike was her brother's real commanding officer. She caught herself being suddenly jealous even though she had no right to be.

Sadly Burnham thought back upon her own mentor and friend, Captain Philippa Georgiou, whose trust she'd betrayed, whose life she'd indirectly ended by dishonoring her, as she refused to acknowledge the captain's orders in favor of her independence and strong beliefs. She would never be able to undo the damage she'd done, she'd been forced to accept that but it still hurt deep inside.

Michael vowed not to make the same mistake again no matter what. She trusted Captain Pike and had faith in his leadership. She still marveled at his actions back on the planet's surface. He threw himself on a phaser, endangering his life for a complete stranger. Captain Lorca would never have done such a thing and, quite frankly, it was illogical. Suddenly she felt a spark of anger growing. 'What would they have done if the captain had died?' If she ever did speak to her brother again and he ever did return to the _Enterprise_ then how would she have explained to him that she'd not looked after his captain properly? That she'd been there and had done nothing to stop him?

She sighed, it was becoming too much for her, and reached up with her hands to rub her temples. She would try and get a few hours of sleep, then she would talk to Captain Pike about a temporary leave.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	5. Trouble Brewing

**Chapter Five**

_Point of Light _– Trouble Brewing

Saru frowned as Captain Pike gingerly walked out of the turbolift and headed for the chair. He knew the doctor hadn't certified the captain one hundred percent. However, this was not the time nor the place to discuss that subject. He nodded politely at his commanding officer and slipped out of the chair.

"Sir," he acknowledged.

Pike simply nodded at him as he took his seat.

The Kelpien lingered next to the captain for a moment, as if to make sure he was up for the task, eliciting a cocked eyebrow from the other man.

"There's something I'd like to discuss, sir," he began politely.

"The command track trainees are awaiting your arrival on deck six, commander," Pike replied smartly. "We'll talk when you get back."

Saru nodded slowly and made his way toward the turbolift.

OOOOOO

Two hours later an exhausted Captain Christopher Pike gingerly sat down on his bed and unzipped his uniform jacket. He made a face as he slowly peeled the undershirt over his head, the bruising was slowly fading but the pain lingered at times. That was to be expected as he hadn't really followed Doctor Pollard's orders to rest. Words were always open for various interpretations, she had certified him fit for light duty after some persuasion, although, he had dully noted she had her reservations.

However, his concern was not directed upon himself but on his science officer, Spock. He remembered so clearly the troublesome look on the other man's face, if you could actually call a straight Vulcan face troublesome, when he'd requested to see him in private. Spock's tone had been shorter than normal and he'd appeared distressed in a way the captain had never seen. He'd requested leave, just like that, without any further explanations. For a moment, he'd been stunned by the request from the man who rarely engaged in social interactions with the crew and insisted on working while the rest of them took shore leave. Pike had certainly not anticipated Spock to admit himself to a psychiatric hospital, in fact he'd taken offence at first, thinking he and Doctor Boyce could have helped Spock sort out any problem he might be experiencing.

The captain sighed. Now he had his science officer's mother onboard the Discovery and Spock's stolen medical files. On top of that the Vulcan-human officer had mysteriously disappeared from Starbase 5 and, while doing so, managed to kill three of his doctors. It was a nightmare to sort out and what was worse was that it appeared to have a direct connection to the 'Red Angel' or seven symbols.

Christopher Pike finished undressing and slipped between the sheets of his bed and stared up at the ceiling, sleep would not come easily tonight. For the first time since he beamed onboard the _Discovery_ he found himself wanting to return to _his_ ship, _his_ command and _his_ people. He needed assurances from Number One, a friendly pat on the shoulder from his CMO and perhaps a synthesized drink without alcohol.

He grimaced, then again, perhaps it was for the best he wasn't to meet Doctor Boyce for a while because he would read him the riot for what happened on Terralysium. Unfortunately the young and bright Doctor Pollard would most likely update his medical file to the letter, she'd probably even logged his willingness to return to duty as a failure of following standard medical protocol. The minute she logged on Boyce would be able to download.

He groaned, shifted position and threw the covers over his head.

OOOOOO

Michael Burnham steeled herself as the image of Ash Tyler disappeared. She stared at the spot where he'd been standing for a long time.

"_I'm sorry, Michael," Saru said in a subdued voice, his eyes downcast for a moment before he leveled them with hers and gently reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. "They reconstructed one of their own people to make him appear human." _

"_Yes-," she whispered hollowly, "-he told me." _

"_Did he also tell you that they killed the man called Ash Taylor mercilessly, in cold blood? That they harvested his DNA and reconstructed his consciousness?" _

_Michael looked away as tears threatened to spring from her eyes. _

"_Did he tell you that they rebuilt his memory and placed it on top of the Klingon torch bearer Voq's as a mean to place a spy onboard the Discovery?" _

Michael shook her head in despair as the flashback ended. "Ash," she whispered fondly. How she longed for him at times, longed just to hear his voice, to have those midnight conversations in the mess hall, to laugh with him, to hold him in her arms.

It was late he'd said, she glanced at her watch and noted with surprise that it was almost morning. She wondered briefly where Tilly was and then sighed, wondering what the new day would bring. Deciding she needed to take her mind off of Ash, her mother and her brother she changed into her running gear and walked out the door.

OOOOOO

Tracy Pollard was out on her early morning run, her pace slower than usual as she'd decided to make the run on a somewhat unfamiliar deck. Lieutenants Detmer and Rhys had been bragging about the various designated tracks they'd created across the ship, this would be one of the most physically challenging tracks, called a black track. She felt her pulse pumping loudly in her ears as she sped up and was about to round a corner. Since no one would likely be touring the corridors down in the storage compartments at this early hour she didn't pay that much attention. If she had she would have heard someone coming toward her from the opposite direction.

Pollard had no way of avoiding the inevitable crash into none other than the captain himself. She managed to ram him square in the chest, eliciting a yelp from the man, as they took a tumble to the floor with the doctor landing on top of the captain.

Pike bravely tried to hide wince and then grimaced, closing his eyes briefly. Blushing, the junior grade doctor carefully began to detangle herself from her commanding officer.

"I thought doctors would do no harm," he said, sounding winded and out of breath.

I'm so sorry, captain," she managed as she offered him a hand up.

He quickly accepted it and gritted his teeth as he was pulled upright. With a tight smile he nodded his thanks at her and began to dust of his pants.

Pollard studied him for a moment with a medically trained eye. He was stiff and he seemed to favor his recently injured side but, other than that, he seemed to be amused.

"Checking out the black track, doctor?" he finally asked.

She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously and then nodded. "I see I'm not alone," she replied. "Now I'm uninjured, you on the other hand is still recuperating."

Pike gave her an innocent smile and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I'm fine, you just managed to knock the wind out of me."

"Captain, are you all right?" Michael asked worriedly as she appeared behind them.

"And what are you doing here?" he asked lightly. "I do hope you're not following me, Burnham."

"The thought would never occur to me, sir," she replied sarcastically, then added teasingly. "A Starfleet captain is perfectly capable of looking after himself, is he not, sir?"

Pike rolled his eyes.

"Captain, please walk with me to sickbay," Pollard suggested.

"I'm afraid I'm getting late for a mission briefing," he excused politely and began to turn around.

The commander and the doctor shared a knowing look.

"Perhaps, sir," Michael began, causing Pike to halt mid-step and turn around to face her.

"-it's for the best. What if you've cracked something?" she reasoned.

"I can assure you, it takes a bit more than that-" he began seriously.

"Under normal circumstances," Pollard concurred. "However, your injury isn't fully healed yet. I would want to check on the regeneration of the bone and to make sure nothing has shifted position."

Pike sighed in frustration and hung his head for a moment, looking like a pouting school kid and not the commanding officer of the ship. He smirked and shook his head. "I can't believe this is happening to me," he quipped.

"Believe it all you want, sir," Pollard replied sternly but then couldn't help herself and began to grin.

He frowned and then bit his lower lip not to join her. "I'm glad someone thinks this is funny," he said softly as he walked passed her toward the turbolift. "Please keep your poking and prodding to a minimum, I am a sensitive guy."

Michael smiled as she watched them round a corner and then headed off down the corridor in the opposite direction.

OOOOOO

Ensign Tilly was sleep deprived, her eyes red rimmed as she fought to stay sane while standing at attention on the bridge. Commander Saru was talking but she wasn't really paying attention. It was hard too because May was constantly chattering next to her. Sylvia tried her best to ignore her imaginary friend but it was grating on her nerves.

"Captain on the bridge," Saru said jovially and Tilly unconsciously straightened although her back was still turned toward the rest of the bridge crew, just like the rest of the CPT participant's.

"Welcome to-" Saru began.

In an effort to keep May at a distance, after Saru had ended his speech, Tilly turned around and smiled at the charming captain who stood casually next to the command chair. He made a joke and wondered if she was all right. She wanted to tell him she was haunted, wanted to ask for his advice in Michael's absence but she found that she couldn't. It would ruin her chances to become a captain and get her out of the CTP effective immediately.

May was shouting at her. Tilly sighed. How she hated that woman. She tried to focus solely on Captain Pike but May persisted he wasn't the captain she wanted to talk too and that she needed the real captain. Tilly felt something snap and she turned to May, fixed her with a glare and told her a thing or two. That was before she came to realize that May was actually standing in front of Captain Pike and that to rest of the bridge crew it appeared like she was shouting at Captain Pike, telling him to shut up. Sylvia froze momentarily. 'What had she done?' she admonished with dread. "I- I quit," she managed as she hung her head and headed toward the turbolift, resigned she noted May had followed her. "I'm so screwed," she whispered.

OOOOOO

'It was her fault he'd disappeared, her fault.' The thought was repeating itself like a mantra, refusing to leave her alone. Michael took a shallow breath as she lay down on her bunk. Her mother was disappointed at her, she'd betrayed her trust. Amanda had given her the love reserved for both of them and Spock had seen it his duty to protect her from danger and she'd failed them both. Michael hadn't meant to be cold and mean she'd just wanted Spock to back off, she was a liability to the family on Vulcan, she was human and not respected by the logic extremists, she was terrified at times that they would hurt her new family so she had tried to protect them, at least that was what she had told herself every time she'd hurt her brother. And now he was gone.

The door suddenly opened to reveal a troubled Ensign Tilly.

Michael immediately gathered herself and sat up. "Saru called down, looking for you. Are you all right?" she asked worriedly.

"What's wrong? Have you been crying?" the younger woman asked in confusion.

A faint smile spread over Michael's lips. "I asked you first," she said.

Tilly sat down and froze momentarily as May appeared behind her roommate. She couldn't take it anymore, she was going insane. With a quivering voice she explained her problem of late to her real friend and then began to sob.

Michael gave her a gentle hug and indicated for her to come with her. "Commander Stamets can help, I'm sure of it," she reasoned as she led the exhausted ensign out into the corridor.

OOOOOO

"Closing in on Space dock, sir," Detmer reported.

Pike glanced up from the PAD he was studying and nodded. "Take us to beaming range, lieutenant," he said as he longingly watched the _Enterprise_ docked to spaceport seven, on the east side of the large facility.

He'd briefed Number One on his findings as soon as he'd been in range for communiques. The _Enterprise_ was adapted for deep space missions and had superior communication arrays and deflectors which could easily pick up transmissions none of the smaller ships in the Fleet could. It was not really a secret, it was just not widely known. That was the main reason he had high hopes of Number One actually finding some answers for him about Spock.

It had been good just to hear her voice when he'd first contacted her even though he'd come to the conclusion that they'd been around each other long enough not to be able to hide anything important. Number One had taken one look at him, deduced that he looked tired and drawn and then threatened to have Doctor Boyce tag along with her to _Discovery_ if he didn't update her.

He'd laughed with delight at the look on her face, arrogant yet concerned. He'd raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and sighed. "I guess good old Doctor Boyce will access the medical records from _Discovery_ as soon as he's able too-"

"_He's concerned, we all are,"_ Number One interrupted. _"It's annoying not to be able to keep tabs on you, sir." _

To say she hadn't been pleased to hear about his injury was an understatement.

The _Enterprise_ is hailing us, sir," Bryce reported, effectively bringing Pike back to the present. "Should I answer it?"

The captain nodded. "By all means, lieutenant," he answered.

The view screen shifted from space view to the bridge of the Flagship and Pike felt a longing he couldn't quite explain. "I see you're sitting in my chair, Number One," he said with a smirk.

She greeted him with a soft laugh. _"It seems you've got two, sir, I can't help but feel I should keep this one warm for you until you decide to return," _she replied.

Pike narrowed his eyes at his first officer, his smirk morphing into a smart grin. "Ready when you are," he said.

She nodded at him. _"Very well, sir. Tell the transporter room to stand by for transfer." _

Satisfied Pike got out of his chair to go and meet her when an alarm sounded. He curiously turned to the security station.

"Sir, there seems to be trouble down in the engineering section, lab one," the young ensign piped up.

The captain made his way over to his chair and hit the communication panel on the armrest. "Bridge to lab one-" he began seriously.

"_Bridge this is lab one,"_ Commander Saru's voice carried over the channel. _"Cancel the alarm, sir. We have it under control." _

Pike frowned. "Good commander," he replied. "I'm heading down to the transporter room to meet with my first officer- he trailed off and grimaced as he realized he was literally speaking with his other first officer. "You'd better fill me in later."

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	6. MIA

**Chapter Six**

_An Obol for Charon _– MIA

Number One watched her friend and captain leave the mess hall and pursed her lips into a thin line of displeasure and concern. Christopher was worried about Spock, she could see that, but she wasn't so sure Spock was the one she was more worried about of the two of them.

"Commander Illy to Commander Nhan," she said into her communicator.

"_I'm safely onboard Number One,"_ came the cryptic reply.

"I hope you'll like your new position as Chief of Security on the _Discovery_, Nhan," she said hopefully.

"_Thank you, ma'am,"_ the Barzan said jovially. _"I'll make sure he stays out of trouble."_

"I'm sure you will," Pike's first officer, Commander Illy said with a smirk. "I trust you see to it that he's still in one piece till his position as interim captain onboard the _Discovery_ ends."

OOOOOO

Saru frowned as he thought he heard the lifeform snarl as it was being trapped inside the glass cage. May had finally showed her true self, for that he was both relieved and terrified at the same time. He shuddered as he thought of it being inside Ensign Tilly for almost two days and his respect for her went up a notch. She was so young and unexperienced yet she'd managed to hold on. Well, she'd accidentally told Captain Pike to shut up but, then again, she hadn't really meant it. The Kelpien sighed and wondered how he should approach Pike and explain to him that Ensign Tilly hadn't been talking to him but to her imaginary friend. Saru shook his head, perhaps his worry that the captain wouldn't understand was unfounded. After all, Pike had just shrugged as they'd told him about Stamets and his tardigrade DNA and the mycelial network. The experienced captain would no doubt understand, perhaps he'd even laugh at the whole incident.

"I'd better head back to the bridge, I trust it you'd be fine?" he asked kindly.

Till turned to him with wide eyes, swallowed and then slowly nodded bravely. "Sure, commander," she replied with a hesitant smile.

OOOOOO

Captain Christopher Pike angrily walked through the door to his ready room and plopped down in his chair. He leaned back and closed his eyes. This was rapidly turning into a nightmare, the frustration he felt was grating on his nerves and he felt the beginning of a headache.

His science officer was still on the run from the psychiatric hospital section at Starbase 5, Spock's shuttle was slowly slipping between his fingers as the hostile lifeform, or whatever it was, held the _Discovery_ in a tight grip. A virus was flowing through the ship, creating havoc with several systems onboard, trapping crewmen in engineering, rendering the universal translator useless, cutting power to vital parts of the ship and interfering with important medical systems down in sickbay.

To make matters worse the strange mycelial lifeform which Commander Stamets extracted from Ensign Tilly had now escaped from its temporary prison and appeared to be clinging to the poor ensign's arm down in lab one. If its intentions and purposes was hostile or not was anyone's guess but he hadn't any high hopes of it being benign.

Pike ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward in his chair. Wearily he placed an elbow on the desk and let his aching forehead come to rest in the palm of his hand. His Kelpien XO was running around the ship helping Burnham restore the universal translator all the while he was dying from some strange condition called the Vahar'ai. Doctor Pollard had stood perplexed at Saru's side while in sickbay, there was nothing she could do to save him. If there was one thing Pike disliked, hated even, it was to stand helpless and watch as someone under his command faded away. Saru had gone through so much just to become the man he was, to defy his nemesis, to break up with his homeworld due to general order one, to accept and be accepted by the Fleet.

Pike shook his head, he knew life wasn't fair and, for some reason, he caught himself thinking about Vina. Her life had been far from fair yet she was living her dream. He hadn't seen her since they broke orbit at Talos IV a few years ago and he swore he'd never set foot there ever again. The captain shuddered involuntarily, it had taken a lot of reasoning and a lot of sessions with his friend Doctor Boyce just to accept what he'd been put through on that planet. If Spock was experiencing something similar, or even worse, he could only pray he'd reach him in time before he was going insane.

Pike suddenly stood resolutely and straightened his uniform jacket as he set a brisk pace toward the door. He'd shoot that thing out of the sky, there had to be some way of getting it to release its grip of the ship. He needed to find Spock before it was too late. He should never have granted him leave in the first place.

With his jaw set he strode out on the bridge.

"Captain on the bridge," Rhys said seriously as he noticed him.

Pike threw him an annoyed wave and mumbled at ease before he focused on his helmsman. "Detmer, are we still stuck?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," she replied.

"Then-" he trailed off and turned around to stare at the turbolift door as it began to open and close.

OOOOOO

"Please, Saru," Michael begged. "Don't do this to yourself."

The Kelpien leaned back against the wall for a moment as if to gather himself. He then shook his head and waved her concern away. She offered him a hand but he shrugged it off. "It won't do for you to support me onto the bridge, commander," he argued yet his voice was soft and strained.

"Is it pride?" she replied.

He stiffened at the remark but didn't comment. "Sick and injured has no place on the bridge of a starship, you know the rules and regulations-"

"No one said anything about the dying ones," she interrupted smartly. "Besides, the captain will listen to reason."

Saru stumbled onto the bridge just in time to hear the levelheaded captain ordering their capturer destroyed.

"No, captain," he said seriously. "Hold your fire. I don't think the sphere means us any harm."

OOOOOO

Commander Paul Stamets gulped as he heard the harsh words uttered from the JahSepp. She was accusing them, him, of destroying the mycelial network. He'd meant no harm, he'd only tried to find the means of propulsion to go further, faster and safer, instead he'd begun to destroy someone else's habitat in order to save his own. Dilithium was traditional and stable inside a containmentfield but it was a nightmare to mine and work with until processed and refined.

He swallowed, his mouth dry as he stared at Tilly. She was staring back at him, no correction, she was glaring at him, demanding that he'd take action. However, it wasn't as simple as that, he needed to talk to Captain Pike, he needed guidance, he needed help. He desperately watched the being's grip of Tilly tighten. The day was slowly going back to worse again.

"I need you to let go of Tilly," he managed.

"I have other plans for her," the being responded menacingly.

Horrified he watched the young and bright ensign being encapsulated into a cocoon. He turned to the former engineer of _SS Hiawatha _and she stared right back at him.

He staggered as the ship suddenly lurched and then again as _Discovery_ was brought to warp.

OOOOOO

Doctor Pollard stole a glance over shoulder at the tired Kelpien who seemed sound asleep on the biobed despite alarms going off all around him and the constant flow of injured crewmen being treated in the small area next to him. Tracy smiled, the poor man must be exhausted and she had no doubt he was still trying to come to terms with his second chance of life and the fact that the Vahar'ai condition had not killed him like it was supposed to do.

Pollard took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, trying to wind down after a rather stressful day. Things were finally starting to return to normal around the ship. She hadn't realized how weary she felt until now when the excitement of the day and the adrenaline slowly left her body. It was a miracle they hadn't lost anyone considering the various things that had been going on around the ship due to the sphere.

She arched a curious eyebrow as she noticed Captain Pike walk through the door with a mixture of concern and annoyance written all over his face.

"Are you finished rocking the boat, captain?" she asked enigmatically.

He frowned as he walked up to her and nodded toward the sleeping Kelpien. "Is Saru going to be okay?" he asked carefully.

"I'm afraid I can't take any credit for it but yes, he's going to be okay. In fact, he's doing fine already but the experience took its toll on him and the poor man is exhausted. I suggested he'd stay here for at least a few hours so I can keep tabs on him," she said.

Pike nodded with relief as he ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"How are you doing, sir?" she asked curiously.

Before the captain could even begin to say anything she'd picked up a medical scanner from the bench and started to take readings of him. He took a cautious step back. "I'm healed, remember?" he tried lightly with a tight wry smile.

"You have a headache, sir," she deduced. "At least you should have if I'm to interpret this correctly."

"You know-," he began sarcastically yet his voice was soft. "-such things kind of come naturally when you're dealing with new alien lifeforms, cascading malfunctions through the ship, dying officers, trapped crewmen and missing science officers."

She pursed her lips into a thin line of displeasure but said nothing for a moment.

He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest and glanced at the floor, then he leveled his eyes with hers and sighed. "I'm sorry, doctor, it's been a long day," he apologized.

"It's been a long day for all of us," she said wearily and gave him a small smile. "Apology accepted by the way, even though no one was needed."

"I wanted to talk to Saru and thank him for his quick thinking today but I guess there will be plenty of time for that later," he reasoned.

"Captain, may I suggest that you take some time to rest too?" she said kindly.

"_Bridge to Captain Pike,"_ Bryce called over the communications channel.

"Or not," he smirked as he made his way over to the wall-mouthed communications device and pushed the button. "Pike here, what is it lieutenant?"

"_Sir, I've just received a call from lab one down in engineering. Stamets said the mycelial creature swallowed Ensign Tilly. He's afraid we've lost her, sir,"_ the communications officer reported sadly.

Pike shared a worried look with the doctor.

"_Commander Burnham took off at a run only seconds ago,"_ he added. _"She's on her way down there." _

"Thanks, Bryce, I'll join her. Commander Nhan is to take command while we're gone," he said seriously.

Tracy Pollard reached for a medkit and a medical bag and nodded at him. "I'm coming with you captain," she said.

"It seems rest is reserved for the dead, doctor," he said.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	7. Friend or Foe

**Chapter Seven**

_Saints of Imperfection _– Friend or Foe

"_Have a little faith, Michael," _Philippa Georgiou whispered coldly as she vanished into thin air before her.

Burnham snorted and shook her head. 'What had she done? What kind of monster had she brought back from the Terran Empire?'

The jahSepp being had assumed that poor Doctor Culber was a monster. He had only tried to find a way back home, tried to find a way to protect himself from being torn apart by the destructive force of the jahSepp. How lonely he must have felt while chasing after _Discovery_. He couldn't have known why they'd limited the use of the spore drive, she wasn't even sure he knew that the war was over.

She marveled at the amazing things that had happened lately, it was as if the universe was trying to correct itself from the damage done by the Terran impostor. Ash Tyler was back onboard both to her joy and despair, they'd rescued Tilly from the mycelial network and surprisingly retrieved Doctor Culber from the same place.

Now, if she could only find her brother, she mused sadly. _"Have a little faith, Michael," _Philippa Georgiou's voice whispered at the back of her mind only to be replaced by another kind yet demanding tone of voice. _"What truth are you hiding from me?"_ Captain Pike had asked.

The captain's words was haunting her. 'Or was it her guilty conscious?' Michael Burnham sighed, she really didn't know anymore.

She hadn't seen the captain since she'd left the bridge to take part in the rescue mission. Rumors on the bridge had it he'd left the moment the landing party had been brought back onboard, ordering Tyler to step back while he beamed onboard Captain Leland's ship. Owo had told her he didn't look happy, in fact he'd appeared pretty pissed. Michael had to smile at her choice of words. Christopher Pike was fair and tried hard to make everyone comfortable under his command but he was also expecting people to treat him the same way. She didn't know how Pike and Leland had come to be friends but she had a feeling that the definition of a friend to Pike was almost holy and when that trust between friends was broken there would be hell to pay. Captain Leland had not only violated the trust of Captain Pike but of the crew of the _Discovery_ as he'd simply watched the ship being torn apart before his very eyes while doing nothing to help. It had been Ash Tyler who'd made the call and forced Leland's hand to help them.

Michael set her jaw and took a calming breath, applying every layer of Vulcan schooling to shield herself from the emotions of guilt, despair and frustration she was currently experiencing. She strode out of the science lab and quickly walked the length of the corridor to the nearest turbolift. The door slammed shut and she was whisked away. The door opened again only seconds later to reveal no one else but the man on her mind, Captain Pike. She studied him for a moment and for the first time his expression was unreadable to her as he turned to face the door. Somehow he looked furious yet his demeanor was cold and composed, his blue eyes was sparkling but it wasn't with delight that one was for sure.

"Burnham," he acknowledged curtly, his voice devoid of its usual softness.

"Captain," she said with a nod.

He didn't turn to look at her, he just kept staring straight into the door. Michael smirked ever so slightly. It seemed like she was finally seeing the steely resolution behind the composed and diplomatic façade and she realized suddenly that Captain Pike was not a man she wanted to cross, he was dangerous when he wanted to, perhaps even more dangerous than Captain Leland.

"Halt turbolift," she commanded, eliciting a cocked eyebrow from her superior officer as he finally turned toward her.

"Belay," he countermanded sharply.

"Captain, please," she began diplomatically. "I'd like to apologize."

He frowned but the almost ever-present half smile never appeared on his face. He was waiting for an explanation.

"I think we need to talk," she finally managed. "I should have told you when you first asked but-"

"It seems there are many things you should have told me, Burnham," he said sourly. "For example you could have warned me about Georgiou."

Michael drew a hefty breath and shook her head. "Leland," she mused.

"Admiral Cornwell," he corrected coldly.

She was momentarily confused. "She's-"

"She's onboard Section 31's ship which's been following us here," he explained as the turbolift came to a full stop on deck three. "It seems I didn't need to chase you after all."

Burnham watched him step out of the lift and leaped to follow before the door closed again. "Sir, there is more," she offered as she fell into steps with him.

"And right now, I don't think I want to hear it," he countered coldly as he stopped outside the door to his quarters. "I thought I could trust you, Burnham."

"Sir," she began sadly. "Please, I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me."

He paused in the doorway and turned to look at her, the weary look on his face was distressing to her. "Come inside then," he offered.

She hesitated, she didn't want to intrude. There was one thing to discuss something on the bridge or in the ready room but to follow the captain into his private quarters was something else entirely. Michael finally nodded and walked into the room. She was surprised to see a Vulcan artefact amongst other various items on display on the shelf behind his desk. Then she was even more surprised to see a group photo of the _Enterprise's_ bridge crew with the addition of what had to be Doctor Boyce and the chief engineer. They were smiling, all of them.

"A promo for the new uniforms," he explained softly. "Number One thought I should have a copy."

Michael took a second glance at it and noticed for the first time that Pike's XO, while standing behind him as he sat in the captain's chair, had both her hands on his shoulders, smiling happily.

"I need to tell you about Voq, Captain Georgiou, Doctor Culber's demise and Stamets tardigrade DNA. You've only heard the civil version of it, what Starfleet needed you to know. I think it's time for me to tell you the truth. You deserve to know, captain, you deserve to know the whole truth," she said seriously.

Pike softened and a half-smile settled on his lips, the dimples appearing slightly as he turned toward the replicator. "It sounds like it's going to be a long conversation, too bad I haven't had time to order some food," he said. "This thing can only replicate coffee."

"Coffee will be fine, sir, it'll keep me awake the whole night," she admitted softly.

OOOOOO

Ensign Sylvia Tilly was openly crying as she watched Doctor Pollard gently place a sheet over the charred crewman's face, the look on her face was grim as she turned to approach another patient.

"No," Tilly whispered as she placed her hands over her face in an effort to make all the horrors of the day go away.

She jumped and jerked around as a hand suddenly squeezed her shoulder.

"Hey," Paul Stamets hushed kindly. "It's okay, Tilly, everything is fine."

"How can you say that!" she blurted and shook his hand away. "Look around you. They are dead and it's my fault."

Stamets' eyes darkened at her words. "Tilly, listen to me, none of this is your fault," he said seriously. "If it's anyone's fault then its mine."

She shook her head in denial. "No, you came to bring me back, to save me from the network," she reasoned as she gently dabbed the area beneath her eyes with her fingers in an effort to save what was left of her make-up. "I must look like hell," she added dejectedly.

Paul smirked. "Well, let's see, your uniform is wet and thorn, your hair is tousled and you appear to be in a devastating mode of self-depreciation-"

She chuckled at his effort to lighten her mood.

"Tilly, it's not your fault," he repeated softly. "I was the one who deemed it a good idea to fly the _Discovery_ using the mycelial network. It was my actions that eventually led to this. I'm truly sorry you were dragged into it."

She gently reached out with her hand to squeeze his shoulder. "We did it together then," she suggested. "Let's share the burden. I helped you fly, remember?"

He smiled at her and she beamed back at him, then nodded in the direction of Hugh. "How's he doing?" she whispered.

Paul followed her gaze behind his back. "He's going to be fine," he assured her. "I won't have it any other way."

OOOOOO

Commander Saru gently touched the sore spots where the ganglia had been attached only a few days ago and exhaled slowly. He still couldn't believe that he was alive. He walked over to the window of his cabin and clasped his hands together as if to pray. He stared down at his long fingers and unclasped them again, then he raised his head and watched the stars stream by in a blur. Discovery was doing warp two on her way back toward known Federation space.

Saru sighed, 'Known Federation space,' he mused sadly. He hadn't been longing for his homeworld this much since the day he'd left and promised never to return. How he missed his sister and how she must wonder what had happened to him. He'd always felt guilt about the way he fled and left her behind. He'd give anything just to be able to talk to her again, to give her hope of the future, that it was bright and beautiful.

The Kelpien shook his head sadly and went over to his bed and plucked down on it, he was still weak as he'd not yet been fully restored from his ordeal but he had been allowed back on light duties on the bridge. He chuckled bitterly as he recalled the events of the day, he wasn't so sure that Doctor Pollard would classify his full day on the bridge during Ensign Tilly's rescue mission as light duty. Then again he'd been needed, he was after all Captain Pike's XO. The interim captain needed to be watched, he had an uncanny way of trying to sacrifice himself and Saru wouldn't allow him to do so, not if he could prevent it. The Enterprise's captain had built up a trust amongst the crew onboard the Discovery to the extent that they wouldn't hesitate to give their life for him, simply because the captain would do the same for any of them. While he liked and held Captain Georgiou high he admired Captain Pike for his leadership skills and his cunning. The captain knew it had been awkward for Saru to leave command over to him, to trust another captain so soon after Lorca's deception but he'd asked for command with grace and never once had he shouted at any of them, not even when he'd had the right to do so.

Saru felt the need to protect Pike in any way he could. He'd never felt like that with Captain Lorca, he'd taken his job as XO serious back then as well but he hadn't taken it to this level. Pike respected him, trusted him and had appeared concerned for his well-being. Saru turned to look in the mirror and nodded at himself. "Trust goes both ways," he said.

OOOOOO

Michael arched an eyebrow as she felt a presence in close proximity, too close, invading her private space. She turned toward the crewman behind her in the que to reprimand him. However, she wasn't prepared to chide her former lover and friend for such a thing.

"Ash," she said in surprise. "I thought I told you never to sneak up on a Vulcan."

He gave her a tiny smile as he filled his plate with various things from the breakfast table. "You're no Vulcan, Burnham," he teased lightly. "And I didn't sneak up on you. You seem miles away from here."

"I was thinking," she confessed as she snatched a pear and a banana from the bowl to her right and then turned to walk away in search for her roommate.

"Is that your version of a polite way to tell me to bug off?" he asked as he fell into steps with her.

"Could be, depends on your interpretation," Michael replied smartly and pursed her lips into a thin line of displeasure as she didn't find Tilly. She strode over to a nearby table and sat down.

He once again made to follow.

"Look, Ash," she began, her voice reserved. "What are you really doing here?"

"I believe I told I'm to be the liaison between Discovery and Section 31," he said.

She nodded and took a bite of the pear. "You did, and I believed you at first," she said. "I thought I knew you, Ash. I thought you were on our side. You stood on the bridge of Discovery and watched as Discovery was being torn apart by the violent forces of the mycelial network, you watched former colleagues die when you could have saved them."

"Michael," he began regrettably.

"Why?" she asked, her voice subdued and her teeth clenching. "You knew Captain Leland was close by. "What were you trying to accomplish? Was it a test? Tell me, what is Section 31 really after?"

"I don't recognize you, Michael," he whispered. "Is it something I have done?"

She chuckled bitterly in disbelief. "You said Emperor Georgiou forced your hand. That she left you no choice but to leave the Klingon homeworld behind. I might believe that but I can't accept that after everything we've been through you'll just stand by and watch as we're about to go under."

He looked away for a moment somewhat in shame.

"I loved you, Ash, you were my tether," she whispered softly. "I don't want you to be my enemy but please make no mistake, I will protect my brother from Georgiou and Section 31 in any way I can."

"You gave me hope again," he admitted softly as he leveled his eyes with hers. "I didn't want to hurt anyone, believe me."

Michael shook her head sadly. "Too much has happened lately, Ash. I'm sorry I don't trust you anymore, at least not the way I used to do."

"You seem to trust Captain Pike," Tyler noted. "Tell me, is it because he's your brother's commanding officer."

"No, it's because he's earned my respect and friendship in a way you'll never be able to. When you get back there you'll tell Captain Leland that if anything happens to Captain Pike I'll hold him responsible and then I'll-"

"I'm staying onboard," he said with finality. "I was about to tell you but you never gave me a chance."

OOOOOO

Ensign Tilly swallowed as she sounded the doorbell to the captain's ready room.

"Come," he called and the door slid open.

She walked in to find him seated at the conference table with the camera from Terralysium before him and a set of drawings that Lieutenant Spock had done before he'd disappeared.

"Captain, you're dressed," she said softly and then realized her mistake. "I'm sorry, sir, that didn't come out right."

He laughed at her and shook his head slightly. "Luckily my ribs have been healed too," he said jovially and then turned serious as he motioned for her to take a seat opposite him. "I'm glad to see you're back among us, ensign."

"Thank you, captain," she said with a smile. "I wasn't so sure, I-" she trailed off as she felt she was under scrutiny but the look on his face was one of concern and not one of annoyance or anger.

"Ensign Tilly," he began softly. "Commander Saru told me what happened and he assured me you had no intention of telling me to shut up-" he broke into a charming grin appearing amused. "-even though you had me convinced there for a moment."

"I'm so sorry, sir, I didn't realize, until it was too late, that's just typical of me, that you were standing behind May and that she wasn't real- I mean she was real but not real," she explained.

He eyed her with a frown for a moment. "Welcome back, ensign, now I recognize you," he said softly as a wry grin began to appear on his lips.

Tilly breathed a sigh of relief and couldn't help but to be smitten by the smile. She beamed back at him with joy. 'Get that goofy grin off your face, Tilly,' she admonished herself. "Thank you, I think."

"If you're feeling up to it there is a new training exercise for the command track trainees at 08.00 tomorrow morning. Commander Nhan will be leading it down in the weapons locker," he said.

"I'll be there, you can count on it," she replied.

"Well then, ensign, good luck," he said.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	8. Developments

**Chapter Eight**

_The Sound of Thunder _– Developments

"I need to go home, I need to go to Vulcan," Michel said resolutely as she strode away from him.

Commander Saru stared after her as she made her way down the empty corridor of deck four. He wished for his friend and colleague to find the same peace of mind he was experiencing and hoped that she would be able to make amends with her brother just as he'd done with his sister.

He still had a hard time to believe what had really happened during the day. His people had been freed, there was not going to be anymore sacrifices to the Bau'ul. The fear and oppression was nonexistent now- or at least it would be - Siranna feared it would take a long time to adjust to the new life. There was so much to heal and so much to understand. He almost wished he could help his sister to rebuild trust among his people but he knew they'd be weary of him because he had, after all, been gone for eighteen years. Besides, he was needed on the _Discovery_, he had another purpose now. His duty was to serve the Federation and Starfleet the best he could and he owed the latter organization that much because without Starfleet and young Lieutenant Georgiou none of this would have happened.

He hung his head suddenly and ran a tired hand over his forehead. He had to talk to the captain, he owed him an apology.

OOOOOO

Hugh Culber lightly traced his left shoulder with his fingers as he stared at his mirror image. He looked the same but he felt odd and strangely disconnected to the man who was staring back at him. He simply wasn't the man he used to be, the man everyone seemed to expect him to be. It was impossible to be dead for months and then be reassembled like some machine and put back into the real world again. 'No,' he mused. 'Dead people don't walk, don't talk, don't do anything.' He leaned in closer to his mirror image and focused on his eyes, the windows of the soul, he was looking for something, some sign, that told him this was all a nightmare. He had his memories, he was perfectly fit and declared well enough to be let out of sickbay any time now and he had Paul at his side, full of love and support, still, he wasn't at ease.

He blinked, took a step back and sighed. He wasn't the only one to have changed. He marveled at the reports Paul had given him to read. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew of the mirror universe but he could not really recall any special moments from when he'd helped his de-facto to take the _Discovery_ away from all the horrors and tragedies and back into the right universe.

Hugh took a deep breath and began to laugh bitterly at the absurdity of the situation. Captain Gabriel Lorca, a master manipulator from another universe, had duped all of them to get back to his own universe and killed a lot of innocents in the process. Ironically Lorca had been killed by Emperor Philippa Georgiou, the spitting image of Burnham's old commanding officer, Captain Philippa Georgiou, whose death had upset her in so many ways that she was still troubled by it.

Then there was Ash Tyler, the man who'd actually snapped his neck. Hugh shuddered as he thought about it. It had been surreal to read a report about his own demise, the time the death had occurred and the cause of it. For a brief moment he wondered if the real Ash Tyler, the man who had been captured and killed by the hands of the Klingons, Lieutenant Ash Tyler, had similar thoughts about life and death. Hugh doubted that because Ash Tyler was coexisting with a Klingon called Voq. 'Or was he dead too?' he mused darkly and shook his head. It was too much, he couldn't even begin to try and sort it out.

The doctor sighed then quickly turned on his heels and strode out of the private bathroom at the back of sickbay two. He strayed out in the corridor outside suddenly a feeling a little guilty because he knew Paul would admonish him for leaving the place he'd been occupying for the last couple of days on his own. It was quite possibly even Tracy would tell him a thing or two but he needed to get out and he needed to do it alone. He needed to remember, to feel, to familiarize with the ship again. Some of the crew greeted him with a smile, others gave him a curt nod while some didn't acknowledge him at all. It felt strange, he knew all the people onboard, at least he thought he had.

Hugh froze mid-step as he turned around a corner and came to a junction. He felt his heart begin to race and forced himself to calm down as he saw the back of former Lieutenant Ash Tyler at a distance. The doctor unconsciously took a step back just as Captain Pike exited the turbolift Tyler was waiting for.

The captain stepped out of the turbolift and glanced at Tyler before he turned to walk away. The Section 31 liaison quickly fell into steps with him. Pike stopped and turned to face Tyler and, despite the distance, Culber could easily see the annoyance written all over the captain's face.

"You know, Tyler," Pike began sarcastically. "If I didn't know any better I'd think you're following me. And let me make something very clear. I don't need a babysitter and certainly not one coming from Section 31."

"Captain, we need to talk," Tyler said cryptically.

"About what?" he asked casually yet there was something in his tone of voice that seemed challenging. "It's been a long day, I'm not in the mood for a long conversation."

"You allowed Commander Saru to-" Tyler began.

"I believe you were on the bridge as well, Mr. Tyler. I did not allow Commander Saru anything," he interrupted in a low tone of voice.

Doctor Culber wisely hid behind a corner as the two of them walked by and stared after them.

"We took part of a massive reformation of what the Kelpiens call 'The Great Balance'. We helped change the balance between the species on the planet. That constitutes a direct violation of General Order One," Tyler pushed.

"You were there, you heard what I said on the bridge. You also heard Commander Burnham when she explained that the Kelpiens knew about technology far more advanced than perhaps even ours. Or do you have a hearing problem, Agent Tyler," Pike drawled. "And one more thing. Don't lecture me about General Order One, especially not when you take orders from Leland."

"There you are," Paul said heartwarmingly.

Hugh jerked around and dared a glance over his shoulder to see if Pike or Tyler had heard anything. He exhaled with relief as Pike disappeared into a science lab and Tyler marched down the corridor without as much as a glance in the direction of the doctor.

"Doctor Pollard and I have been worried about you," Commander Stamets chastised. "You can't just walk away like that."

"I'm fine, Paul," Hugh said, trying hard to sound reassuring.

The commander gently placed his hands on the doctor's shoulders. "You seem tense, what's the matter?" he asked softly in concern.

Hugh gave him a hesitant smile. "It's nothing," he managed.

"Come on, let's get you back to sickbay two," he suggested. "Doctor Pollard says she think you might be ready to go home tomorrow."

'Home,' the doctor mused. 'What was home?' He stared down the corridor but he could no longer see Tyler and he shook his head as if to clear away any lingering anger he'd been feeling toward the man. He swallowed and turned hopefully toward the door to the science lab which the interim captain had entered. Hugh hadn't had the opportunity to meet Pike in person yet but considering what he'd just witnessed he had high hopes for the future. In that short moment when he'd been eavesdropping on the conversation between Tyler and Pike he'd seen a strong character with high standard for morale, something Captain Lorca never had shown. Then again, Hugh was aware that Captain Christopher Pike was assigned to the Flagship of the Federation and he had a feeling that was not a coincidence.

"You don't have to come and get me out tonight," Paul said brightly as he followed Hugh's gaze toward the lab. "I'm not going to study anything tonight. I'm going to stay with you, that is, if you'll let me."

OOOOOO

"Commander Saru," Pike acknowledged as he walked into the large lab to find his XO staring out into space.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he mused softly as he nodded towards his home planet.

The captain nodded. "It is," he concurred as he followed the Kelpiens gaze.

They stood in silence for a moment both seemingly lost in thoughts.

The captain straightened and clasped his hands behind his back then turned his head, tilted it upwards a bit and looked at his first officer. He found the Kelpien somewhat unpredictable at times but he chose to overlook that considering what the man had been through recently, still there were times when he wished Number One was standing next to him instead. He missed her dry wits and clever reasoning. He also missed good old Doctor Boyce. Burnham was doing a good job of admonishing him and Doctor Pollard seemed to have taken it upon herself to chide him for certain actions but it wasn't the same thing. While he liked and respected both of them he didn't know them as he knew _his_ senior officers. Then again it gave him some leverage and let him get away with things he would never been able to back on the _Enterprise_. For example, Number One would never have let him assign himself to the landing party and recover the crew of _SS Hiawatha_ and the mission to Terralysium- he shook his head in amusement as he imagined their argument.

"I wanted to thank you, sir," Saru said finally, breaking the captain's reverie.

"Don't thank me yet, commander," he said. "There will be an official reprimand in your record for disobeying a direct order on the bridge."

Saru shrugged. "I'm deeply sorry, sir, but I couldn't keep quiet. I needed to make the Bau'ul see-" he trailed off and sighed. "Would you not have done the same if it had been earth we were orbiting and an oppressing species was making demands that threatened your race?"

Pike pursed his lips into a thin line of displeasure for a moment before his lips twitched upwards in what looked suspiciously like a small smile. "I probably would have, commander," he admitted.

"I wanted to talk to you about the 'Red Angel'," Saru said.

"I've already skimmed the report," Pike said softly with an arched eyebrow.

"Yes, but I wanted to tell you something more, off the record. I suspect that Agent Tyler is eager to get his hands on the report."

"I gave it to him," Pike said simply. "I'm bound by the order of cooperation with Section 31 coming from Admiral Cornwell."

Saru nodded sadly. "I see," he mused.

"I _didn't_ say I like it, Saru," the captain cautioned seriously.

"It was a human, sir," he said thoughtfully. "But- Why and how? I don't understand."

"Neither do I, Saru, but it's a step in the right direction."

"The technology the 'Red Angel' uses isn't available yet, sir. That human does not belong here," he said seriously.

"No," Pike deduced as he reached up to run a tired hand through his thick hair. He was so tired, he felt every fiber in his body protesting the lack of sleep and, at times, he could even feel the lingering pain from the newly healed nerve ends along the right side of his chest.

"What is the next step, sir?" Saru asked carefully.

"I don't know about you but I'm going to take a long shower and try to get a few hours of undisturbed sleep. You look like you could need it too."

This time it was Saru's time to give the captain a faint smile and then he nodded. "It has been a trying time, sir," he let on. "I'll see you in the morning."

Pike nodded and watched the Kelpien as he turned to leave.

OOOOOO

Ensign Tilly wearily let herself into her and Michael's shared quarters. Without a word she walked over to her bed, fell into it and closed her eyes.

Michael cocked an eyebrow and her lips twitched slightly upwards in amusement as she found her roommate sprawled on her bed. She placed her bag on her bunk and began to pack.

Tilly frowned and worriedly eyed the bag. "Are you leaving?" she asked as she got into a sitting position.

"Only temporarily," she replied softly. "Seeing Saru and Siranna together today made me realize a few things. I need to go home to Vulcan for a while."

"I'm going to miss you," Tilly said heartbroken. "You know, there is no one else I can really talk to. Well, there is Commander Stamets but he's busy trying to make Hugh feel better."

"I will be back before you know it," Michael assured her lightly. "I won't leave just yet anyway."

Sylvia seemed to brighten at that.

"So, how did your command track training go? I talked to Commander Nhan yesterday and she was remarkably pleased with everyone's performance down in the weapons compartment."

Tilly nodded. "Yeah, I- well, you know. I'm not sure me and weapons are such a good combination but I think I did okay."

"A captain needs to be able to know about every area of the ship and its functions," Michael reasoned. "Even though it's not pleasant."

"Don't remind me," Tilly mused dejectedly. "We're having basic medical field training whenever we reach a suitable planet for the excursion."

"You'll do just fine, don't you worry," Michael replied confidently.

"I knew it would not be a walk in the park but it's so much to think about and so much to take into account and it's not just my life but everyone else's onboard the ship," she murmured. "When I'm on the bridge and watch Captain Pike do it, you know, commanding, assess situations and so on. He make it seem so easy, like it's nothing to it. How does he do that?"

Michael chuckled as she sat down on the bed next to her roommate. "It might not be fair to any of you to make that comparison," she said softly. "He's one of the most decorated officers in the Fleet. He's commanding the _Enterprise_, he's done a five year mission into deep space without any kind of backup. I can only imagine what he's been through. Also, he's got a lot of experience to lean back on. However, I believe that if you ask him he'll tell you that the decisions he's been forced to make, the decisions about life and death, hasn't been easy on him. He'll probably tell you it's all a matter of balancing the fine line."

"I'm not sure I can be a captain if you put it like that," Tilly said sadly.

"You'll make a wonderful captain one day," Michael assured her softly as she gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

OOOOOO

_To be continued_


	9. Through Time and Space

**Chapter Nine**

_Light and Shadows _– Through Time and Space

Captain Pike felt lethargic as he leaned back in his chair and stared out in space through the view screen. The Kelpien home world Kaminar looked lush and bright and space around it seemed normal and serene. There was nothing threatening out there, there was in fact nothing at all out there.

It was as if the last couple of hours had been nothing but a dream, like one of his recurring nightmares. He sighed and ran a tired hand over his chin and rubbed it carefully, then he reached up to gently touch his left cheekbone. The probe's rough manhandling would leave marks, of that he was certain, he could already feel a vivid bruise starting to form.

Ironically he'd sent Tyler to sickbay but didn't think it was necessary to swing by the place himself. Strangely enough he felt quite pleased, like he'd done something daring and achieved something meaningful when all he'd actually managed was to self-destruct a shuttle, almost gotten himself killed in the process and endangered several officers and a Section 31 liaison in the process.

He shrugged as his lips curled faintly upwards. What he'd achieved, whether it was good or bad, depended entirely on your point of view. He'd kept the _Discovery_ out of harm's way, he'd occupied the liaison from meddling with affairs on the ship, he'd helped close the time rift and then they'd deduced that the 'Red Angel' came from the future.

"Captain," Saru called. By the look on the Kelpien's face it hadn't been the first time.

Pike frowned as he glanced around the bridge to find that he involuntarily held the attention of everyone in the room. "Yes, Mr. Saru," he managed.

"Captain, I asked if you were all right," he explained kindly, his blue eyes narrowing with concern.

Pike nodded slowly. "I'm fine," he replied in a tone that was both polite and reassuring at the same time.

Saru had come to appreciate Pike's mild tone of voice and his gentleness but he'd also started to hear the variances in it, therefore it wasn't hard for him to detect a weariness and pain that normally wasn't there.

"If I may suggest, sir, that you take a moment to rest, maybe-" Saru began.

"That is not necessary," Pike interrupted with small yet tight smile that never reached his eyes. "However, I'll go and get rid of this armor and change into a fresh uniform." He stood and then made his way toward the turbolift. "Please notify me the minute you have finished your analysis, Mr. Saru."

"Of course, sir," the Kelpien replied as he watched his superior officer step into the lift.

The moment the doors closed Detmer and Owo turned to him with slightly worried faces. Saru nodded at them and then at Rhys and Bryce. "Give him a moment and I believe he will be fine," he said softly.

"Captain Pike is a stubborn man and he'll always put the lives of crew first, above his own. That is simply the way he is," Commander Nhan offered in a subdued voice from her position at the back of the bridge. "He will be far gone before he actually allows vulnerability to show."

Owo shared a look with Detmer remembering the accident at Terralysium. How the captain had even managed to walk somewhat straight between her and Burnham to the church had been a mystery to her. She had seen him act on sheer willpower only, even when it wasn't supposed to be possible.

"Trust me, Commander Saru, when I say that Captain Pike has been through worse scenarios and survived," Nhan finished softly.

OOOOOO

Hugh let out a relieved breath as Paul appeared in the doorway to sickbay two. "I heard you took it upon yourself to bring back the captain and-" he let the sentence hang in the air as he couldn't even bring himself to say the name.

Stamet's gave him a tight smile as he walked up to him. "What brings you here?" he asked, ignoring his partner's remark. "Why are you in medical uniform?"

"I wanted to catch up a little and to see if it still fit," he let on.

Paul gave him a mischievous look as he let his eyes roam over him from top to toe. "I'd say it fits perfectly," he commented brightly and then turned serious. "Are you sure you're ready for work so soon?"

"Sometimes you can be such a mother hen, Paul," Hugh replied smartly. "I never said I'd go back to work at all. I just-" he trailed off and shook his head sadly. "I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know who I am. Records show I died. It shouldn't be possible for me to have this conversation with you."

"You're getting yourself worked up again, Hugh," Paul said softly. "You've got to stop that."

Out of habit, and without actually realizing what he was doing, the doctor picked up a medical tricorder and started to scan the man opposite him. "Stand still, Paul," he ordered.

"Come on, Hugh, I am fine," the commander assured him softly. "I was only over there for a few minutes. I had no prolonged exposure nor did I have the pleasure to be thrown around the cramped space and chased after by some robotic probe that was out for blood." He shuddered at the mere thought and glanced around the seemingly empty room. "Is the captain around by the way? I figured he'd be here."

The doctor shook his head. "I haven't seen him," he offered.

Paul softened at the somewhat disappointed look on his partner's face. He gently placed his hand on the doctor's shoulder and gave it soft squeeze. "He's been to see you. He stood by your bedside right after you came onboard. I am sure he'd like to talk to you, he's simply been a bit too busy," he reasoned.

Hugh nodded with a faint smirk. "Yes, I am sure you're right. It's just-" he trailed off and shook his head. "I keep expecting to see Lorca every time someone mentions the captain. It's going to take a little time to get used to the fact that he's no longer onboard."

Paul nodded toward the medical tricorder still in Hugh's hand. "Put that down and come with me to the mess hall, let's grab some lunch," he suggested.

"Another time, Paul. I need to get back to sickbay one. I think Tracy is expecting me. I told her I'd be back when I'd helped her reconfigure some equipment," he reasoned.

'Tyler', Paul mused, suddenly irritated. Tracy had, out of courtesy, sent Hugh away for a moment because she was expecting Tyler. Of course, that must have been it. His respect for his partner's colleague went up a notch as he nodded at Hugh and made to leave. "Perhaps then I'll see you later tonight?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Hugh replied in a subdued voice.

OOOOOO

Captain Christopher Pike stopped just outside sickbay one and took a deep breath before he entered. To his surprise the room was fairly empty and he exhaled with relief, there hadn't been any casualties onboard due to the time rift. He hadn't had time, or actually that might not have been entirely true, he hadn't _taken_ time to debrief his XO or anyone else for that matter yet.

Doctor Tracy Pollard and Doctor Hugh Culber both turned in his direction as he walked in, the former arched an eyebrow and then appeared somewhat displeased as she made her way to meet him.

"Captain," she acknowledged. "May I ask where you've been, sir?"

He frowned and managed a completely innocent look. "I had a few things to take care of," he offered cryptically.

"I was expecting you hours go," she said sternly yet her voice seemed soft.

"I was not injured but Tyler was," he began, "I sent him down here."

Doctor Culber shuddered involuntarily at the mention of the name as he walked up next to his colleague, coming face to face with his new captain for the first time.

Pike seemed to brighten. "Doctor Culber. We finally meet," he said kindly. "I would ask how you're doing but I guess you've heard that question too many times already."

Culber managed a faint smile as he saw Tracy smirk in what appeared suspiciously like amusement next to him.

"I-" the doctor began. "I think I'm getting there," he offered sincerely. "However, it's going to take a little time."

Pike made a face. "Take all the time you need, doctor," he said kindly. "If you need anything you can either talk to Doctor Pollard or come to me directly."

Hugh studied the man before him for a moment as if trying to judge his character. Pike appeared to be solid enough and the tone he'd used when speaking to Tyler the other day was nonexistent. Instead he seemed kind and caring and there was warmth in his tone when he spoke. However, there was no mistake of the authority he carried. It seemed like he was a natural leader, someone to trust no matter what. Hugh wasn't used to that and for a moment he got weary.

"Captain," Tracy said seriously as she gently took his arm and motioned toward the nearest biobed. "Please, take a seat."

He eyed her suspiciously for a moment before he gave in and did as he was told while Hugh lingered in the background.

"In some ways this is a small ship, sir," Tracy began as she ran the medical tricorder over him.

He refrained from rolling his eyes as it began to whir when she ran it over his head. He hated the small thing that instantly reported his every bump and bruise no matter how hard he tried to keep up an appearance.

"Mr. Tyler was kind enough to tell me you had your share of being ensnarled with the probe- whatever it was- thing. He also enlightened me about the fact that you both got knocked out of your seats by the probe and that it tried to kill you, captain," she said.

Not the least amused by the specialist's lose tongue Pike gave her a faint nod. "I see," he said.

"You have a bump on your head, sir. You'll have a vivid bruise across your left cheekbone in a few hours and your back and left shoulder will be quite sore for a few days," she deduced as she put down the tricorder. "However, it seems the prolonged exposure to tachyon particles didn't do any damage."

Pike's lips quirked upwards at the last few words. "See, at least something is positive," he offered.

Pollard eyed him sternly for a moment. "Do you have a death wish, sir?" she asked casually.

"Not today," he quipped as he made to stand again. "How's Mr. Tyler by the way?"

"He will be just fine, captain," Tracy replied. "I gave him some painkillers and told him to rest. By this time tomorrow he'll be as good as new. It wasn't as deep as I first thought but the cut will cause him some discomfort until it heals properly."

Hugh stepped forward again. "I'm curious, captain, this 'Red Angel'. Do we know what it is?" he asked.

Pike sighed, looking weary all of a sudden, as if the question itself gave him a headache. "It seems our 'Angel' is coming from the future," he said darkly. "Up until now it's been acting like a savior. It took us to Terralysium to save the people there from a natural disaster. It took us to Commander Saru's home world and helped us free his people-"

Tracy studied him for a moment as he trailed off and shook his head.

"Now it sent a probe back at us, tried to download all our data and kill us in the process," he mused. "I wish I could tell you what it wants, what it's after but I am afraid that I can't. I'm as lost and in the dark about this as everyone else," he chuckled bitterly. "Well, except for Section 31 that is."

Hugh and Tracy shared a look of concern.

"So, am I free to leave?" Pike asked.

Doctor Pollard nodded. "Just a second, captain," she said and reached over to fetch a hypo. "It's a painkiller. I know you have a high threshold for pain but, trust me, you're going to benefit from it."

He contemplated sidestepping her for a moment but then resigned and grimaced as he felt the coldness of the hypo as it was placed against his neck.

"I do recommend that you go straight to bed," she said cryptically.

He pursed his lips into a thin line of displeasure. "Really?" he remarked as he felt the contents of the cocktail begin to take effect almost immediately. "This is why I didn't show up earlier."

Tracy's lips curled upwards in sly grin. Rest, captain," she said. "That's an order."

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	10. When Past and Present Collide

**Chapter Ten**

_If Memory Serves _– When Past and Present Collide

Hugh Culber stalked down the corridors of one of _Discovery's_ cargo decks. He was angry, seething even, as he quickened his pace. He cursed Paul for his willingness to help even though he'd clearly said he needn't anyone to help. He also felt resentment at himself for being unable to go back to life as it was, for being unable to move on. He was in denial, he was- he was actually alive, except, there was no way he should be; no way he _could_ be. His feelings were in turmoil and the satisfaction he'd temporarily gotten out of beating Tyler had left him with a bittersweet taste in his mouth and a sore hand. The reason's he'd given to Paul, as to why he didn't go to sickbay to have the hand examined, wasn't entirely truthful. He was ashamed of himself. How could he explain to Tracy, his friend and colleague, that he'd beaten another man? He was supposed to be a man of science, of medicine, a civilized man.

Poor Paul had tried to protect him from Tyler. The astromycologist had even tried to have the man relocated to another deck, away from his quarters, so that Hugh didn't have to face his 'murderer' every day. The doctor shook his head, it was so sweet yet so naïve. He didn't have the heart to tell his love that it wasn't the first time he'd seen Tyler after he'd gotten back and figured it didn't really matter either.

He stopped outside a large double door and frowned as he realized he was standing outside the "farmhouse" as Paul had nicknamed it. It was a large bay in which the mycelia was being cultivated. With a shaky finger he pressed the button to let himself in and stopped just inside to stare at the large scale growth of mycelia. Hugh felt his skin prickle as he recalled the JahSepp's vicious attacks in the network. How they'd done everything in their power to tear him apart.

OOOOOO

Christopher Pike wearily left the bridge to try and get some rest now that they'd finally found his missing science officer and Burnham's brother. The Vulcan in question was to report to sickbay for a complete medical checkup and then head to his temporary quarters. Pike had thought Michael would stay with Spock and help him settle in on the ship therefore he was surprised when she stepped into the turbolift to join him instead.

The captain frowned but said nothing, instead he leaned his back against the wall of the turbolift and sighed.

"Cargobay," she commanded the lift.

Pike simply nodded his approval, figuring he could ride with her and then head back for his quarters.

Michael seemed to hesitate for a moment then she took a step closer to him. "Captain," she began softly. "When we visited Talos IV Vina said she was an old friend of yours."

Chris nodded carefully, not sure he was going to like this conversation.

"Then she said something very peculiar," Michael mused. "She said; 'In some ways Captain Pike never left.'"

He arched an eyebrow and tilted his head toward his science officer, his shoulder still leaning against the wall. "And you wonder what she meant?" he asked slowly and reached up with his hand to rub his aching forehead. "It's a longer conversation, Burnham."

"Touché, captain," she replied as her own words was used against her. "Just don't make me chase after you, sir."

Pike smile a little at her reply. It was the same reply he had given her a few weeks ago when Tyler had been transferred to _Discovery_ from Section 31.

"Is that why Starfleet prohibited travel to the Talos star group? Because of their powerful abilities to create illusions?" she asked curiously.

A bittersweet chuckle escaped his lips which morphed into a rueful tight smile. "They dive deeply into our minds, Michael," he cautioned. "They dive so deep that in the end they've erased your reality and replaced it with their own."

She shuddered at the chilliness to his otherwise light and warm tone. "I understand that they thrive on other people's pain. They asked for particularly painful memories from our past."

Pike studied her with a sudden look of concern etched on his face. "Did they harm you?" he asked kindly.

Michael shook her head. "No, sir. The harm had already been done a long time ago," she whispered. "But they hurt you, didn't they?"

He smirked but remained silent, his eyes downcast.

"They took you prisoner-" she trailed off. It was her time to study him with concern. "If you don't mind me asking. What did they do to you, sir?"

At this Pike looked up, leveled his blue eyes with hers and for the first time she noticed walls coming up against her, his expression schooled and unreadable. "Actually, I do," he said politely yet there was something cold and dark that sept into his voice that made the small room chilling.

The turbolift door suddenly opened behind her with a whoosh and for a moment she contemplated ignoring that her destination had been reached but one look at the captain's hard features made her resign. She nodded her farewell to her superior officer and exited without another word.

Pike sighed and briefly closed his eyes as the lift began to move upwards again. Responsibility was weighing down his shoulders as he contemplated what he'd done. His faith in Starfleet had been stretched to its limits lately and he'd started to question everything it stood for. Section 31 was hunting Spock through the galaxy and Starfleet was doing nothing to intervene, instead it appeared they tried to frame his science officer for murders he didn't commit. It made him sick just to think about it. And now he'd taken off with Spock onboard the _Discovery_ and the moment he'd done that he'd become a fugitive – not just him but the entire crew. Was he leading them into something dangerous, something that would eventually lead to their court-martials or untimely deaths? He did even want to think about that. What would Starfleet do with the _Enterprise_ in his absence? Would they detain the crew to lure him back? There were so many unanswered questions competing for attention in his mind that he was literally reeling.

"Relocate, mess hall," he commanded suddenly.

Within moments the lift came to a halt and he exited. It didn't take him long to reach the almost empty room. He sighed in exasperation as the cleaners put the last few chair back into place after the fight between Specialist Tyler and Doctor Culber.

He made a mental note to talk to the doctor in question in the morning and headed for the replicators. He was just about to order when a weary looking man entered the room, seemingly lost in thought. Pike groaned inwardly as Culber walked across the room and sat down in a white plastic chair with a thud. The captain gave up and figured he might as well deal with the doctor directly.

Culber smirked as he looked up to see the captain approaching.

"I'm not sorry, sir," he managed in a hollow voice.

Pike glanced at the door as a few crewmen walked into the room before he finally spoke up.

"I'm not taking him in defense, Doctor Culber, but as a doctor you should see the fault in your own actions," Pike said softly yet he managed a disapproving undertone. "As a man of science you should also understand that the Klingon cannot be brought to the surface whenever it pleases others."

"So, you're okay with it then?" Culber spat angrily.

The captain merely looked at him, remaining calm, the only action taken a raised eyebrow. He noticed a few people looking in their direction. "Walk with me," he suggested in a subdued voice and took a step toward the door.

"And what if I don't want to?" Culber asked bitterly.

Pike shrugged. "Then you don't have too," he replied and simply left.

Culber hesitated for a moment before he followed his superior officer out in the corridor and into the turbolift.

"Deck three," Pike commanded.

Hugh sighed, shook his head and smirked bitterly. "Halt turbolift," he ordered.

The captain frowned but did not countermand the order. "I must say you do change your mind quickly, Doctor Culber," he remarked but his voice seemed devoid of any emotion. "First you don't want to talk at all and now you want a private discussion?"

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" he asked somewhat testily.

Pike only nodded.

"To be completely honest with you, it hasn't been easy to come back here and pretend that everything is normal," the doctor said.

"Life goes on," the captain suggested.

Hugh smirked. "Yeah, that's what everyone else seems to think. It's like I've been away for some time and returned. There's not much to it," he said and let out a mirthless chuckle. "You'd think someone's death would mean-"

"Perhaps someone's return from death means more?" Pike interrupted carefully.

Hugh snorted and shook his head.

"You should give yourself some credit, doctor," the captain said kindly. "You're a well-respected member of this crew."

"I _was_," Culber said softly.

A chill suddenly went through the small room.

Pike stiffened as he stared at the door. Culber followed his gaze but saw nothing.

"I thought we'd left the Talos star group," the captain muttered under his breath in confusion.

"Chris," Vina began softly.

"He's not seeing you, is he?" Pike asked dryly.

Hugh froze for a moment, the doctor in him suddenly curious.

There was a sudden shimmer and then a blonde woman appeared before both of them. She beamed brightly at the captain before she turned toward the doctor. "They would be very interested in your-"

"Tell them to leave him alone, Vina," Pike interrupted, his soft voice had warning tone to it that made the doctor cautious about the beautiful woman before him.

Hugh stared mesmerized at the woman, not grasping what was happening.

Vina returned her attention to the captain as she began to walk toward him with a smile on her face. "Chris," she whispered happily as she reached out for him. "You never seem to be alone these days."

"I thought you said _I_ was still with you?" he said softly yet his undertone sounded admonishing.

"You are," she said sweetly as she wrapped her arms around him. "It's just that it's been so long since I saw the _real_ you."

"Vina, please. While I do like you, I don't like the way they are messing with other people's minds," Chris said, his voice turning colder with every word.

"They had expected to see you as well. They had not anticipated that the _Discovery_ had to run so soon."

"Actually, I am through being burned alive, Vina. And I never want to drown again either."

Culber now openly stared at his new captain, realizing he knew nothing of the man before him. He had assumed Pike knew nothing about life and death, at least not anything beyond the _decisions_ of life and death that he had to make due to his role as commanding officer. Hugh found himself briefly wondering what incidents Christopher Pike had actually lived through during the deep space mission he'd been on while in command of the _Enterprise_.

"They-" Vina began with her eyes downcast. "They didn't know any better."

Pike snorted as he gently freed himself from the woman's hands.

"They helped Spock," she began. "-and Commander Burnham is a strong woman."

She reached up to place the palm of her hand against his cheek. "We're almost out of range, you're travelling too fast in the opposite direction from the planet. You must come back someday, Chris," Vina said softly before she shimmered out of existence.

Hugh stared after her and then at the captain.

"Computer, relocate to deck one and resume," Pike finally managed wearily.

"Captain," Hugh began softly.

Piek turned to him with a sour expression. "I don't want to deal with _that_ any more than you want to deal with your _demons_ right now," Pike replied in a serious voice but the tone was soft.

The door opened and with those last words they parted. The captain leaving the doctor alone in the lift.

The doctor sighed, Tyler and his own self-depreciation momentarily forgotten, replaced by a curiosity that was slowly growing and he found himself unable to let it go. "Sickbay," he commanded the turbolift.

OOOOOO

Tracy glanced up in surprise and smiled warmly at him as he stepped through the door. "Hugh," she said. "I wasn't expecting you here and certainly not at this late hour."

He returned her smile. "I- actually there was something I wanted to look into. I hope you don't mind."

"No, of course not. You can use the terminal in my office if you want," she said. "Is there something I can help you with?"

He shook his head and made to enter her office at the back of the room. He glanced over his shoulder and saw to his satisfaction that she wasn't coming. He quickly logged on to the system and called up Captain Christopher Pike's medical file. He scrolled through various injuries of various degrees, some graver than others, but he didn't find what he was looking for. He scrolled some more and then began to search for type words such as psychological assessment's and head injuries. He even tried destinations where the injuries had been logged but none of them seemed familiar and several entries were highly classified and inaccessible even for his own high level of security.

"Hugh," Tracy called as she suddenly appeared behind him.

He quickly logged off the file but the damage had already been done, she'd already seen the name on the screen.

"Is something wrong?" she finally asked with concern. "Has Captain Pike taken ill?"

He smiled at her for a moment and then shook his head. "No, Tracy, he's fine," he assured her.

"Then why?" she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You can't call up someone's medical file without the need for it. I have a feeling the captain haven't asked for it."

Hugh had a strange look on his face as he turned to her. "Something he said," the doctor let on enigmatically. "Something classified obviously."

"Okay," she said softly. "I know you've been through a lot lately. I won't tell him but consider this to be a warning."

Culber nodded and beamed at her as he gently reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, Tracy," he whispered before he let go and walked out of the room.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	11. Salute to Self-Sacrifice

**Chapter Eleven**

_Project Daedalus _– Salute to Self-Sacrifice

Captain Christopher Pike pursed his lips into a thin line of displeasure as he took his eyes away from the view screen in front of him. A stunned silence had settled over the bridge the moment Commander Airiam had been unceremoniously thrown out of the airlock. The bridge crew was fighting to keep their tears at bay, some of them succeeded, some did not.

Pike hated this, it never got any easier to lose people, if anything it seemed to get worse. Like every soul he'd lost under his command added weight to his broad shoulders, slowly adding to his burden, bringing him down on his knees. He envied the rest of them who was allowed to show their emotions, to display affection to a fallen comrade. As the captain he could not, he was not allowed to feel, not allowed to think _what if_, it was only logic and order that should occupy his mind at the moment. The needs of the many outweighing the need of the one. It never got pretty, it always took a toll on him, left him drained and lethargic and torn apart inside.

Ensign Tilly silently sobbed next to him, trying to be strong but failing miserably. Without a word she carefully hugged the pad in her arms, pressed it tightly against her chest and left the bridge.

He turned around to see that the Admiral had her eyes downcast, facing the deck plating, and that Saru was openly staring at the body floating in space.

"Switch screen, please," Pike managed. "Is the channel to Burnham and Nhan still open?"

"_I'm sorry, sir,"_ Michael's voice came over the line. _"I don't know what to say." _

"Are you both all right?" he asked softly with concern. He'd seen the beating Airiam had given both of them and he'd heard Nhan's strained breathing over the channel even though the signal had been lost.

"_She ripped my implant_-" Nhan began and struggled for a breath, _"-away, sir."_

"Make sure to beam them directly to sickbay," Pike ordered without preamble.

"Yes, sir," Owo said without hesitation. She seemed to be the one to deal best with the situation at hand, all things considered.

Pike nodded and opened a secure channel to sickbay. "Doctor Pollard, Commander Burnham and Commander Nhan will be brought to your care within moments, please stand by," he said seriously.

"_Certainly, captain,"_ came the quick reply.

OOOOOO

Chris took one last look around the bridge and decided to seek refuge in his ready room for a moment to gather his thoughts. His time of solitude, however, was brought short as the Admiral joined him only minutes after he'd shut the door behind himself. She said nothing as she entered, she just sat down opposite him and before he could ask about her intentions with this, somewhat informal meeting, the door opened again to reveal his current XO and his science officer. None of them said anything either for a long moment. Pike finally gave up and sighed. He got out of his chair and started to pace the room.

"So," he began as he looked from Cornwell to Saru and Spock and back again. "What are we going to do about Section 31's headquarters? Any suggestions?"

Saru decided to comment with a question of his own. "Sir, what are going to do with the bodies?" he said.

"We cannot retrieve them," Spock spoke up. "Section 31 is a highly classified branch of Starfleet. For outsiders the very existence of it is denied."

"Surely the Vulcan High Command and the Andorian Imperial Guard know," Saru stated as he glanced around the room.

Pike turned to Cornwell, waiting for her to explain further.

"I'm afraid it's not that simple, Commander Saru," she said in exasperation. "You see Admiral Patar died seven years ago in an accident over the Sahar dessert, a desolate place not many Vulcan's visit."

"The rest of them conveniently died as well?" Pike guessed with dismay.

Katrina nodded with a sigh. "Yes, all of them have been reported deceased in various accidents, all of them have been jettisoned to space at a proper funeral."

Pike nodded. "A coffin without a body," he deduced darkly.

"Yes," the Admiral admitted. "And the rest of us are sworn to secrecy. That way there will be no one to take responsibility for Section 31's actions. We've not sanctioned them at Starfleet Command-"

"I really don't like this," Pike cautioned darkly.

"It has been trying times, Chris," she replied coldly. "One does what one must do in order to survive."

"I can see the logic in that," Spock reasoned. "However, I fail to see where that leave us at the present."

"It _means_ Leland is taking orders from control and control only," Pike filled in.

"It has to stop. It's the only way to save ourselves from the future you saw, Mr. Spock," Cornwell reasoned.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment," the captain said. "I need to make sure Burnham and Nhan are okay."

OOOOOO

Pike walked into sickbay one to find Tracy Pollard hovering over Commander Nhan and Culber standing close to Commander Burnham, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze.

Burnham stiffened as she saw him coming her way, Chris guessed she was expecting a reprimand. Her eyes were dark and sad, almost glazed, as he came to stand next to her.

She looked at him hollowly. "I-I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't let her go. I would have but-" she began with a stricken expression.

Hugh looked away at the display of torn emotions etched on the commander's face.

"Michael," Pike began softly. "I'm not here to reprimand you. I'm here to make sure you're going to be okay."

Doctor Culber looked up to face the captain, taken somewhat by surprise at the soft tone of voice and care the other man was showing.

Pike turned to the doctor with a frown. "She _is_ going to be all right?" he asked carefully.

Culber finally found his voice. "Of course, captain," he assured him with a smile and made to leave the two of them alone.

"She just-," Michael said as if not really sure what had happened.

"She was infected by control," Pike replied sadly. "Like Airiam said, there was nothing you could have done to save her, nothing."

"Still I should have done more," she whispered dejectedly.

"Didn't you hear me?" he asked softly. "Nothing, it was absolutely nothing you could have done. We all heard her. She told you she would kill you and it tore her apart just as much as it tore you apart to kill a friend and a colleague."

Michael nodded.

"You and I both knew when we signed up that this situation might arise. I think I speak for both of us when I say I prayed it would never come to this but unfortunately we can't chose our future. However, we can make choices to rectify some of it," Pike reasoned sadly. "When Nhan spaced Airiam she chose life for you, for all of us and everyone else."

She inhaled deeply and then swallowed as she reached up with her hand to dab at her cheek and wipe away a tear that had sprung from her eye.

"It's not going to go away, Michael, it's going to leave a hole in your soul, create an emptiness that will leave scars for the rest of your life but you already know that," Chris said kindly. "If you ever want to talk about it then I'm here to listen."

Her lips twisted upwards in an effort to smile at his kind words. "Thank you, captain," she whispered.

He nodded. "Take your time and don't come back on duty until you're ready, okay?"

"Okay," she echoed.

Pike walked away from his science officer and moved over to his chief of security. Doctor Pollard had reattached the implant by now but the area looked tender and painful as a vivid bruise was spreading across her cheek.

"Nhan," he acknowledged with a ghost of a smile and nodded at Tracy who stood nearby.

"Sir," she replied tiredly, her eyes clouded with a pain that he was sure was both physical and psychological.

"Nhan, thank you for saving us," he said seriously. "I know it wasn't an easy decision."

She took a quivering breath, trying out the implant carefully. "Someone had to follow your order, captain," she replied. "If I hadn't we'd all been dead."

He nodded sadly at that.

"_Discovery_ is not _Enterprise_," she deduced. "They've been through a lot together but so have we, sir. We've learned to survive the hard way, without backup, without anyone but you. I will never hesitate."

Pike turned modest at that and he forced a smile on his face. He briefly wondered if he'd failed to bring the crew of _Discovery_ together. Recently he'd thought he'd had their respect but he figured some of them still had their own fears and doubts to deal with. He knew Burnham respected him, he could tell, but he could also see that she was fighting to come to terms with all the losses she'd endured during the war and all her personal losses during her life. In the end it had nothing to do with him and his command but with herself and her own emotional state.

"_Discovery_ is good ship too, Nhan," he reassured her. "I have faith in these people as you should too."

Pike looked up to see Tracy Pollard smiling next to him. "Is she going to be all right now, doctor?" he asked carefully.

Tracy nodded. "Yes, captain. I will monitor her closely for a day just to make sure the implants is in working order. It's not very common to have such things laying around. I had to make adjustments and modifications to the old one to circumvent the damage Commander Airiam managed to inflict but I'm ninety-nine percent sure it will work."

Pike broke into a smile. "Good, thank you doctor," he said.

"What happens now?" Nhan asked seriously as she saw Admiral Cornwell and Saru walk into the crowded room.

Pike grimaced. "We need to send a team over to make sure we haven't missed anything," he replied. "I will-"

"Absolutely not," Cornwell chided as she came to stand in the middle of the room, next to the board displaying the injured officer's condition.

Culber stopped feeding new information to it at the sound of her sharp voice and the rest of the room fell silent.

Pike turned around in surprise. "Excuse me?" he said with a frown.

"You are not going anywhere, captain," she said sternly.

"And why not?" he challenged, suddenly annoyed at her intrusion.

Katrina crossed her arms over her chest and fixed him with a glare. "Did you not hear what I said earlier on the bridge?" she asked.

"I can't ask things of my crew that I can't do on my own," he said simply.

Cornwell's lips twitched upward in a cunning smile. "Clever, Chris," she said. "Technically you're not the highest ranking officer onboard and therefore there is no reason for you to stand down. Is that it?"

He smirked.

"Then maybe we should approach this another way?" she added. "If you injure yourself or worse, if you die over there, because there's always a risk involved in away missions. Then there will be two ships and two crews left without a captain."

At that he said nothing, he even had the good grace to look away for a moment.

"Is that what you want, Chris?" she asked in a softer voice. "Because I'm sure I speak for everyone else here when I say that's not what I want."

Pike raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Fine, you win Admiral," he said softly and turned on his heels to leave the room feeling everyone's eyes on his back.

Katrina sighed and reached up to rub her temples trying to evade the beginning of a headache.

"Thank you, Admiral," Saru finally spoke up after a moment of awkward silence. "I would never have managed that on my own."

"You speak for everyone," Michael said in a steady voice from her bed across the room.

"Chris can be a bit too eager to throw himself into danger. His crew always come first. He's stubborn that way," Cornwell let on. "That is what makes him a good captain."

Hugh walked up to her, a smile on his face. "Would you like to get rid of that headache of yours, Admiral?" he asked with a hypo on his hand. "It looks painful."

"You mean I should stop my own self-sacrificing act?" she asked amusedly. "Bring it on, doctor."

OOOOOO

Paul Stamets watched as Tilly gently walked up to the transporter pad and tried to close Airiam's eyes.

The augmentation kept defying her as it had become frozen in place in the cold space and the lids popped open only seconds after Tilly had tried to close them. Four attempts later the stricken ensign sat down next to the commander, placed a hand over her mouth and started to sob.

"Tilly, Tilly," Stamets said softly as he walked up to her. He knelt at her side and place a hand on her shoulder. "Come on now, you have to get yourself together, for Airiam. She would hate seeing you like this, it's not what she wanted. She wanted you to be happy."

"I'm sorry, Paul, but I just can't. I mean I can't be happy, look at her. She's dead," Sylvia whispered in a quivering voice. "It hurts, it hurts so much."

"Will you help me deliver her to Doctor Pollard?" Paul asked kindly. "I'm sure Airiam would have liked that."

Tilly nodded. She took one last look at her friend and smiled before she got up from the transporter pad. The augmentation that had once saved Airiam's life in the shuttle crash several years ago had now gotten her killed. Tilly could only hope that at least now she and her husband had finally come together again, somewhere in a much brighter and warmer place.

OOOOOO

Captain Christopher Pike drummed his fingers absentmindedly against the armrest of his chair as he stared at the dark station before him on the view screen.

"_Nilsson to Discovery,"_ a woman's voice carried loud and clear over the com channel.

"Go ahead," Pike said.

"_We've tried everything we can think of, sir, but we still can't get into the core. It's like control has sealed itself in,"_ she reported.

"Is there any sign of life or malware?" he asked carefully.

"_Negative, sir,"_ another officer spoke up. _"There is nothing here. It's a ghostly place, gives me the creeps actually." _

Pike nodded. "Stand by for transport, let's bring you back home," he said.

"_Sounds good to us, sir,"_ Nilsson replied brightly.

The captain turned slightly in his chair to face his XO.

"They're safely onboard," Saru reported.

"Good. Back us off Detmer," he commanded.

"With pleasure, sir," she said without hesitation.

"Owosekun, hit it with everything we've got. Let's blow that place to hell where it belongs," he ordered darkly.

"Anytime, sir, or I might get trigger-happy," she replied softly.

"Fire," Pike replied coldly.

The view screen lit up in various colors as Discovery's vicious attack tore the station apart. Pike watched with satisfaction as only debris remained. "Detmer, when you're ready, get us out of here."

"I can't be more ready," she replied seriously. "Where to?"

"Somewhere nearby, somewhere beautiful where we can give Commander Airiam the funeral she deserves," he said softly.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _

_A/N: I'm so glad you like it. The feedback is really appreciated and warms my heart! Thank you. _


	12. Past, Present, Future

**Chapter Twelve**

_The Red Angel_ – Past, Present, Future

Ash Tyler watched as the wormhole closed, effectively sealing the time rift, and felt his legs go weak. He sank down on his knees on the cold metal floor of the Section 31 ship and closed his eyes in despair, Michael's screams still fresh in his mind. She'd portrayed Starfleet as a near pacifistic organization and Section 31 as the bad guys but he wondered sarcastically if she was upholding that belief at the present. All of them, Starfleet and Section 31 alike, had watched her die. Her own brother had held the rest of the team on Essof IV at gunpoint to ensure her life was ended. 'What kind of man was he?' Ash wondered in dismay.

Ash remembered one of their earlier conversations clearly and shook his head as he realized that in his stubbornness he might had been right. With a pang of regret he that found none of it mattered anymore as Michael's last word echoed in his mind_. "Mother."_

Her _'death scene' _morphed into a very much alive and vivid Michael Burnham as he thought back upon one of their latest conversations in the turbolift. She'd looked at him with a mixture of fondness and sadness. _"You're loyal to them, Ash," she said. "For a long time I've been blaming myself for what I set into motion, for starting a war that killed thousands of people. But this time I'm not the catalyst, Section 31 is. They created 'Control' without safety protocols, without properly knowing what they'd done. They created a monster that, unless we stop it, will erase all life in the galaxy," she said gloomily, her voice subdued and so full of emotion that it hurt to listen. _

"_They didn't create the 'Control' that is now threatening us, Michael," he replied softly, hoping that she would listen to reason. "Someone from the future sent it to us to infect the threat assessment program, to take control over Commander Airiam." _

_She eyed him wearily for a moment. _

"_You know I am right," he added. "The question is-, Who did that and why?" _

"_I think we're equally clueless about that," she replied exasperatingly. _

"_What if it was your mother?" he suggested bluntly. _

_Michael stared at him for a moment. "How dare you," she whispered coldly. _

"_Why does Captain Leland think she's a threat?" Ash countered, ignoring her seething remark. "She was a member of Section 31 too you know." _

"_My mother was an astrophysicist," she declared proudly. _

"_She supposedly died when you were ten, Michael," Tyler argued. "What do you really know about her?" _

_She couldn't wait till the door to the turbolift opened. "I'm not having this conversation with you anymore," she replied testily and stormed out. _

_He quickly followed her out in the corridor. "Think about it for a second. Her travelling back and forth through time makes it possible for the AI, or monster if you like to call it that, to keep tabs on us. It can follow her whenever it wants." _

"_That doesn't mean she's the culprit," Michael reasoned through clenched teeth. "Section 31 stole a crystal from the Klingons, you would know more about that than anyone else on this ship." _

"_Leland also said the Klingon research on time travel was carried out in secret," he pointed out. "If they'd wanted to wipe the galaxy of all sentient life they would have done so without you being able to defend yourself." _

"_I don't recognize you anymore Ash," she whispered sadly as she walked away. _

_He stared at her for as long as he could see her but he didn't follow, not this time. There was nothing he could say to right the wrongs between them. _

He took a quivering breath and tried to compose himself. Captain Pike's voice boomed over the communications channel. _"We have Commander Burnham, she's been beamed to sickbay. She's going to be fine,"_ he reported.

Ash smiled with deep relief and then started to laugh bitterly.

OOOOOO

"_Captain, if we're going to capture the 'Red Angel'. You have to let me die." _

Chris shot up in bed, Michael Burnham's voice echoing loudly in his head, her voice so raw and begging yet so soft that it broke his heart.

Sweat broke out on his forehead, his hair felt damp and his pulse thudded loudly in his ears. He had allowed an officer under his command to commit the weirdest form of suicide and then he'd watched. It made him sick, formed a knot deep down in the pit of his stomach and chilled him to the bone as he shuddered. 'What kind of captain had he become?' he thought darkly.

Pike drew a shaky breath and tried to calm down. He had to remind himself that Burnham was still alive and well. She had been dead for a minute before resuscitation but she would not suffer any permanent consequences of that. For that he was grateful but far from satisfied. They had captured the 'Red Angel' but at what cost? He wondered briefly as he stared up in the ceiling over his bed.

The burden of command, the decisions about who lived and who died, was a constant battle to him. He'd discussed that with Doctor Boyce on several occasions and he'd always come to the conclusion it wasn't for him. The doctor's answer had always been the same. Christopher Pike was meant to command a starship, he was meant to lead others, to guide others through the universe and make their journey a little better.

The doubts was once again seeking their way into his mind as he closed his eyes again, trying to find sanctuary in the dark. Another voice reached out to him. _"Your call,"_ the Admiral had said on the bridge. She was the ranking officer present but she didn't want to suffer the consequences the decision might have. It fell upon him to right the wrongs and, had the Admiral not been present, he would have stopped this nonsense before it began, he just prayed it wasn't too late now.

He'd never in his wildest dreams anticipated that his science officer would interfere in the rescue he'd ordered. He never thought Spock to be so cold he would let his sister die. It had stunned him to silence for a moment until it raised his anger to dangerously high levels. Then he'd watched Michael Burnham die and he'd never felt so utterly helpless before in his entire life.

Pike gave up trying to sleep and threw the bed covers aside. He shrugged into a pair of sweat pants and a tight sleeveless workout top. He stabbed at the door button and let himself out in the darkened corridor. He set off at a run, a quick pace that would make an athlete proud. He doubled the already quick pace and ignored the pain that flared up in his chest as his lungs and legs burned from the lack oxygen. _"Mum," _Burnham's voice echoed in his head. With a pang of regret he wished he'd see his own mother again.

OOOOOO

Tilly watched the empty bed across the room and sniveled. She glanced at the insignia at her night stand and blinked away a tear. It gleamed in the faint light from the yellow alert symbol that flashed above the door. She'd been proud to wear it but now, as she thought back upon the events of the day, she wasn't so dedicated anymore. They'd killed her best friend and bunkmate right before her very eyes, the only one protesting to the madness was Captain Pike and his orders to free Michael had been ignored by a subordinate officer who happened to be her friend's foster brother.

Moral, they teaches about moral and ethics at the Academy, about right and wrong, about decency and respect, about the chain of command. Something had gone fundamentally wrong here, she just didn't know how to fix it and she didn't understand how the rest could be okay with what had just happened.

Sleep would not come easily today, perhaps not at all, as she mulled over the events of the day again and again. She sat up and reached for a robe to complete her attire and sighed wearily. She wished she could cry but she'd already cried so much that there was nothing left and she'd thrown up her lunch and evening food so the only thing remaining was that horrible bile in her throat that refused to go away. Tilly slowly got up from her bed and pulled the robe tight around herself. She padded over to the door and let herself out. The corridor outside looked like it always had, unchanged by what had unfolded on the planet and she shuddered as she grew cold. She started to wander the decks, unsure of her destination and froze as she suddenly stood face to face with the Admiral.

"I couldn't sleep," she mumbled.

Cornwell gave her tight smile that was supposed to be reassuring. "It's all right, Ensign Tilly. I don't expect you to be in uniform in the middle of the night," she said kindly. "How are you feeling?"

"Not too good to be honest," she admitted.

Cornwell nodded. "When you signed up as a cadet three years ago I guess this was not how you pictured it would be to work on a starship," she said.

Tilly looked down at the floor and slid her hands deep into her pockets. "No," she whispered.

"In the best of worlds, in times of peace, Starfleet has a moral compass," Cornwell began sadly. "Not everyone make it to the Academy, the expectations of every cadet is high, maybe even unrealistic. Some years it's higher. You signed on before the war, you got your first starship posting during the war. I wish no cadet had to be placed under such duress to preform but we all have to face reality."

Tilly smiled a little at that as she faced the Admiral. "Be prepared to do whatever it takes, expect the unexpected," she mused softly. "I thought it was a cliché."

"You're one of the most promising ensigns on this ship, Tilly. A lot of your superiors commend you and after seeing you work I can understand why," Cornwell said kindly. "At first I was troubled when Commander Saru recommended you for the Command Training Program but your results speaks for themselves and when Chris-"

Tilly brightened. "Did Captain Pike recommend me as well?" she marveled.

Cornwell smiled, a genuine smile this time. "He thinks highly of you. He believes you're of the right material," she let on. "Now, Chris is the best captain in the Fleet so his recommendations are highly valued."

Tilly found that for the first time in her life she was speechless.

"Ensign," the Admiral said seriously with a sad look on her face. "Commander Burnham knew what she signed up for. She told Captain Pike she had to die in order to lure the 'Red Angel' here. No one condemned her to death. She saw it as the only way to save humanity, to save the sentient life in the galaxy. She's quite something."

Tilly nodded. "That she is," she managed proudly.

The corners of Cornwell's lips twitched upwards in a faint curl. "I came from sickbay one. Burnham is going to make a full recovery, that's a promise, Ensign Tilly," she said softly as she reached out to place a gentle hand on the younger woman's shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "Everything is going to be okay."

OOOOOO

_To be continued_


	13. Time

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Perpetual Infinity _– Time

Captain Christopher Pike didn't like sickbays, or infirmaries for that matter. He usually tried to avoid the sterile rooms and the lingering smell of antiseptic. To him sickbay was a synonym to injury, to death and loss and to pain whether it was physical or psychological. His aversion to medical areas didn't mean that he didn't appreciated and had the highest respect for the doctors and nurses who constantly fought to save their comrades. To be a ship medic was much worse than to work at the Starfleet Medical Office, or one of the larger hospitals back on earth, because your patients were your colleagues and friends. They could also be your enemies and you still had to perform your duties no matter the costs.

That was why Pike's respect for Doctor Culber went up a notch as he saw the man hovering over Tyler, carefully cleaning and micro suturing the wound in his side. The Section 31 liaison was sedated and made no sound or movement but had Pike been Culber the mere thought of saving someone who'd killed him would be upsetting to say the least.

"How is he, doctor?" the captain asked softly as he eyed the man with concern.

"The damage inflicted to his abdomen is pretty severe," Culber let on but his eyes never left his patient. "Another few minutes and he would have bled out."

Pike shuddered involuntarily. "Do we know what happened?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, captain, he's been pretty out of it since he got here," Hugh answered. "He mumbled a few words that really made no sense."

Pike waited for him to continue but when the doctor didn't he walked up to stand on the other side of the unconscious man. "It might be important, Doctor Culber," he urged.

Hugh frowned as he glanced at the captain, looking like he was trying to remember Tyler's exact words. "Trapped with control, have to-,"

"That's it?" Pike asked for clarification.

"I'm afraid so," the doctor answered.

The captain sighed and turned to look at the ashen man on the biobed. "Control did survive then," he surmised darkly. "And now it's found a way to take over a human host and since Captain Leland attacked Tyler it's not hard to guess where it went."

Culber stiffened at the coldness of Pike's usually soft tone of voice. He finished sealing the wound and carefully placed the instruments on the trolley nearby. He continued to shrug out of his chaperon and dispose of his gloves as his superior officer set his jaw and steeled himself as he moved over to talk with Doctor Pollard.

She was standing next to three beds occupied with body bags, all zipped close and ready to be transferred down to the small morgue. He said nothing at first as he came to stand next to her.

The junior doctor turned to him and took in his weary face and the faint lines of worry and pain in his eyes.

"So," he began sadly. "I need the names of the deceased."

Tracy nodded kindly. "Are you all right, captain?" she asked.

"For me it's just another rough day at work, for these three poor souls it's something else entirely," he mused. "How's Burnham, Stamets and Nhan?"

"Stamets and Nhan are fine, a few bumps and bruises but nothing that warrants a stay in sickbay. Burnham never showed up, she probably went directly to her quarters," the doctor explained.

Pike pursed his lips into a thin line of displeasure. "I'll make sure she gets here," he said cryptically.

OOOOOO

"_The anchor keeps pulling me back 950 years into your future,"_ Doctor Burnham said dejectedly with a sigh.

Michael clearly remembered the tone of voice, the raw emotion and the confusion. Her mother was a strong woman and for her to sound so small was disconcerting and troublesome. There were so many things she didn't know, so many things that had been left out. Neither her mother nor Captain Leland had given her the whole truth and it left her frustrated and sad.

A chill went down her spine as she recalled her mother's words. She'd reasoned that it would only take moment to jump back in time just an hour to prevent the Klingon's from coming to their house. 'How could she have been so naïve?' Michael grew cold as she thought about it.

Her mother had manipulated time, maybe Ash had been right in his blunt accusations. Maybe, in an effort to go back in time to save her family, she had allowed for 'Control' to grow and evolve. Therefore _she_ was the one to blame for everything, without her jumps perhaps Section 31 had managed to contain the AI. Michael shuddered and tried to shake it off but a lingering disappointment and sadness remained as she stared at the picture of her mother sitting next to a fire in a cold and barren landscape on Terralysium.

She resumed the mission log she was playing, the loss of her mother weighing heavily on her shoulders.

"_During my trips I found I can make a difference. At one time I ended up during World War Three. I tried to save some of them by taking them with me to Terralysium. They flourished there and then suddenly, as I jumped forward, the colony was gone. I had to do something so I called the Discovery there in hopes that my daughter could help. I know she's smart." _

Michael froze the picture and smiled at her. She reached out with her hand to touch but it went right through the screen image, as she knew it would. Still, it gave her comfort in a strange way.

"Play," she managed as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

"_It will get better now, Christopher Pike is onboard the ship, I have faith in him. I respect him. He's the kind of man who can think outside the box, a man who gets things done the right way. I wish I could spare him the future set out for him because it's such a waste. It's typical of him to disregard his own life for others. I wish I could tell him-"_

Michael felt a lump form deep in the pit of her stomach at the words spoken by her mother. Was she going to lose her new mentor and friend as well? Would there be nothing but loss in her future?

"_I have jumped so many times now that I don't know what is right and wrong anymore. I've seen everyone and everything die," Doctor Burnham trailed off and shook her head sadly. "I've lost my daughter, her foster brother, everyone I hold dear. I have accepted my destiny, I had too. Then sometimes hope is renewed when I jump back. When I see Michael, Spock," she said with fondness and love. _

Michael froze and swallowed. She had to get out of the room, it suddenly felt too small, like she couldn't breathe.

Stepping out in the corridor she came face to face with a deeply concerned Ensign Tilly who, without preamble, gently threw her arms around her to give her a hug. "I've been worried about you," she whispered. "The captain is looking for you, he said you needed to report to sickbay."

Michael's mood plummeted at the mention of the Christopher Pike. _"I could tell you more about your future but I don't think you'd like it,"_ her mother's voice echoed in her head. She couldn't lose her captain as well as her mother. He'd come to mean so much to her during the search for the seven signals.

"There's one more thing," Tilly said regrettably. "We've picked up a survival pod from the Section 31 ship. It's Ash and he's-" she trailed off, not sure how tell her friend. "He's been injured and it's pretty bad. He's in sickbay now and-"

Michael patted her roommate on her back and steered her in the direction of the turbolift. "Then we'd better head over there," she suggested.

OOOOOO

Christopher Pike looked up from the file on his desk as the door to his ready room opened to reveal his science officer.

"Am I interrupting something?" Spock asked politely.

"Just condolence letters to the families of the three security officers that lost their lives while trying to defend the rest of the landing party," he let on wearily. "Seems I've written so many lately that I can type them all in five minutes."

"Captain-," Spock began seriously, "-Doctor Burnham has changed the timeline, she indirectly started the Klingon war because she appeared to me after her death and showed me Michael's demise. If she hadn't revealed herself to me that night Michael would have died and she would not have grown up to pursue a career in Starfleet. Therefore she would not have been present on the _USS Shenzhou_ at the 'Battle of the Binary Star'. The war might not have started, several thousand souls might never have lost their lives if it wasn't for Doctor Burnham."

Pike sighed. "Thank you for your insight, Spock," he drawled unhappily.

"It's the truth, captain," he added seriously. "I should have let her die."

"How can you say that?" Chris asked incredibly.

"Because it would have been the logical thing but I was a child. I did not understand the essence of time and I didn't know who the 'Red Angel' was at the time," he reasoned.

Pike reached up to rub his forehead. "This type of conversation makes my head ache," he mumbled.

"You are not experiencing headaches due to this conversation, captain," he said simply. "You're weighted down by recent events, the burden of command. It is not logical for you to suffer because of the actions taken by others."

Pike fixed his science officer with a doubtful look as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair.

"It was the consequences of Captain Leland's actions that got the security officers killed, not your negligence. Furthermore it was not your orders that led to Doctor Burnham being lost to us nor was it you who allowed Section 31 to vanish with 54 percent of the sphere data," Spock said.

"Is that supposed to cheer me up?" Pike replied dryly.

"It depends of your perception," Spock added. "You and my sister share a common desire to sacrifice yourself for the greater good. Have you ever considered that_ your _loss could be equally devastating to the crew of this ship and the rest of the Federation?"

"_Captain Pike, please report to sickbay,"_ the intercom suddenly buzzed.

"Please, captain, take care of yourself and let Doctor Culber treat that headache," Spock said as he turned to leave.

OOOOOO

"Any lingering effects from your little stunts?" Tracy asked softly as she ran a medical tricorder over Burnham.

Michael shook her head. "No, I feel fine," she assured the doctor with a tight smile as her eyes kept wandering to the biobed where Tyler was being treated. He looked agitated as he spoke to Culber but she couldn't make out what was being said.

Tracy followed her patient's gaze and nodded. "Tyler will be fine as long as he's taking it easy and doesn't undo all the hard work Hugh has put in to seal that nasty wound."

"What happened?" Michael whispered.

"Someone attacked him. The Captain thinks 'Control' has somehow managed to merge with Leland," Tracy offered as she put down the medical tricorder. "There, you're free to go."

Michael was just about to head over to Tyler as Captain Pike walked into the room, they reached the Section 31 liaison simultaneously from different directions.

Tyler looked from Pike to Burnham and then back again with a look of concern in his glazed eyes.

"Take it easy," Culber said kindly as he remained at his patient's side, eyeing both the captain and commander sternly. "This conversation can't be long," he cautioned.

"Understood, doctor," Pike replied seriously.

"Captain," Tyler whispered. "It's merged with Leland."

Pike steeled himself. "Leland set out a course and took off. We don't know where to look for him," he explained.

"When he discovers that the transfer was incomplete that will not be a problem," Michael spoke up gloomily. "He will track us down."

"He's looking for a way to find Doctor Burnham," Tyler said in a strained voice. "He believes she's a threat to the very existence of the evolution of the AI."

"She is," Michael returned resolutely.

Tyler ignored her remark and turned to face Pike. "Captain, when he comes back here, he's going to try and extract the data from the Discovery."

"We'll figure out a way to stop him," Pike assured him softly.

Tyler began to cough, blood seeping out of his mouth.

"Okay, this discussion is over," Culber said as he indicated they should leave his patient alone.

"No," Tyler whispered faintly. "Captain, Leland knows you, he will hunt you down and he'll-"

"I'll deal with it when that time comes," Pike interrupted in a cold voice. "You should focus on getting back on your feet."

Michael gently placed a hand on Ash's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Go back to sleep, Ash, we have it under control."

Pike grimaced at the word _control _but said nothing as Hugh pressed a hypo to Tyler's neck.

Burnham took a moment to study the ashen man on the bed before her with fondness. Despite everything that had happened between them she still cared deeply for him. However, there was something else troubling her at the moment. She turned to follow Pike as he made to leave.

"Captain," Hugh called as he watched his superior officer rub his temples with a troubled look on his face.

Pike stopped and turned around with a frown.

"Is there something I can do for you?" The doctor asked cunningly.

Pike smirked thinking back upon his conversation with Spock. "And what would that be?" he asked innocently.

"Sir," Michael said softly as she came to stand next to him. "I heard what my mother said to you back on Essof IV."

He sighed, annoyance flashed across his face for a brief moment before it morphed into weariness. "So?" he replied with a shrug.

"She said you wouldn't like your fut-"

"And I'll _deal_ with that too when time comes," he interrupted shortly, irritation seeping into his otherwise soft voice.

Culber suddenly reached for the captain's arm, surprising him for a moment. "Sit down, sir, over here," he said and motioned for an unoccupied biobed.

"Doctor Culber, please," he whined. "I have things to do."

"Yes, you could start by resting," came the quick reply followed by a smirk.

Chris rolled his eyes in frustration but let himself be led to the bed. He turned to Michael who was still at his side. "I can't worry about my future in all this," he said evenly. "Then I'd go crazy."

"Well, maybe you should worry, captain," she suggested with a slight concern. "You've become our anchor, this crew and this ship needs you."

Pike grimaced as Culber pressed a hypo to his neck. "You know, I really hate those," he said sarcastically.

Culber huffed. "So much that you'd rather suffer from a headache? Captain, forgive me for saying this but you can act so childishly at times. It's not tough, it's stupid."

Michael couldn't help herself she broke out in laughter at the incredible look on Pike's face.

"I need a break from this madness," he whispered tiredly yet a smile creased his lips as he turned to leave.

OOOOOO

_To be continued_


	14. Future Imperfect

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Through the Valley of Shadows _– Future Imperfect

_Wise people once said that the future was not for anyone to see. It brought madness upon you, it glimpsed into something indescribable, gave you an instant view that left out the whole picture. The glimpse in itself countermanded the future shown because of the way it affected the one who saw. _

_The way it redefined the person who'd seen, scared the soul and deflated hope was enough to render the most stable human insane. _

To this Christopher Pike could nothing but agree as he took one last look around the monastery. He didn't notice the way the Klingon that walked beside studied him with concern. Tenavik nodded faintly at him with a cautious smile of respect as he turned to the human captain just inside the large double door that marked the entrance to the cold, yet strangely, peaceful sanctuary.

"I wish there was another way, captain," the Klingon said in a voice that was strangely tinged with regret.

Pike nodded as he fought to keep himself together.

Tenavik extended his arm before him and revealed an old gleaming object in his hand. "I want you to have this and to give it back to my father," he said hollowly. "My place is here, there is no need for me to keep it."

Pike stared at the worn insignia of the torch bearer resting in the Klingon's hand and gently reached out for it. "I promise," he said wearily.

"I wish I could tell you that time heals all wounds, captain," he said seriously. "But that would be a lie and I don't want to be disrespectful to you. You've restored the faith I once held for humanity. A lesser man would have crumbled under the pressure."

Pike let out a quivering breath as he looked from the insignia in his left hand to the glowing time crystal secured in his right hand. "Goodbye, Tenavik," he said in a steady voice, summoning the last of his energy.

OOOOOO

Commander Stamets stood silent next to the transporter controls, eagerly awaiting the captain's arrival as Jett Reno sauntered into the room. "So, the mushroom guy is already here," she remarked dryly yet there was a touch of humor to her voice.

The corners of his mouth twitched slightly upwards as he shook his head. "Hello, Reno," he said.

"Relax, Stamets, I'm here to see the time crystal. I'm as excited as you are. We're in the same boat, you know. Come to think of it, I kind of like you."

He frowned and looked somewhat concerned as he turned to her. "Did you hit your head on something?" he asked curiously.

Reno laughed cockily and slapped his back. "Let's work together on this one, pull the rabbit out the hat and shake the bad guys a little, huh?" she suggested.

Paul shook his head, he'd actually come to like the crazy engineer.

The door opened with a hiss and Doctor Hugh Culber walked in, instantly creating tension in the air.

He and Paul looked at each other for a moment but none of them spoke up.

Reno shook her head sadly. "Behave like grown men, would you? And I mean both of you," she admonished, looking from Hugh to Paul and then back again. "Is something wrong, doctor?"

He hesitated. "I wanted to check on the captain. I've heard rumors about the monastery. I wanted to make sure he's all right," the doctor said softly.

Reno nodded but didn't really see the need. "Pike's a though guy, he would not have survived otherwise. He's spent five years onboard the _Enterprise_ in deep space, cut off from the rest of the Federation," she said seriously and turned around to face the transporter as it was brought to life.

The shimmer seemed to surround the captain for ages until it finally let go of him. Pike looked ashen as he sidestepped to right his balance. The crystal pulsated in his hand as he took a deep breath and stepped down from the transporter pad.

"Here," he said cryptically as he thrusted the crystal in Stamets hands. "You know how to navigate time."

"Captain," Hugh began in concern.

"Have Burnham and Spock returned?" Pike interrupted.

Reno shook her head. "No, not yet," she replied and studied him for a moment. "Are you all right, sir?"

"I will be," he said curtly. "Get on to it," he ordered and nodded at the crystal as he walked out of the room.

Doctor Culber took it as a cue to follow him. "Captain-" he called softly.

"I'm fine, doctor. I just-" he took a quivering breath as he quickened his pace toward the turbolift. "-need a moment."

"Captain," Hugh repeated as he fell into steps with his superior officer.

They stepped into the turbolift side by side and rode in silence. Hugh could easily see that all was not well but he had to commend the man for putting up such a front. It was the small signs that gave him away to the medically trained eye. The ashen color of his skin, the shallow breaths, the slightly slumped shoulders; the fact that the captain looked dead on his feet.

The lift came to a stop and they both walked out, Culber following Pike to the ready room, promptly inviting himself.

Pike ignored the doctor as he slumped down behind his desk and ran a tired hand through his hair and then carefully placed the torch bearer insignia on the table top.

Culber watched him with concern for a moment before he decided to take up position in one of the chairs opposite him. "Captain," he called softly.

Pike looked up with a frown as if noticing for the first time that the doctor was there with him. "Yes," he managed.

Hugh looked at him with deep concern.

"I'll be fine, doctor. I just need a moment on my own," Chris said in a subdued voice that sounded anything but convincing.

"Captain, it's clear to me that you're not yourself right now," Hugh began kindly. "Whatever happened down there has left you shaken."

Pike swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. "I can't tell you what happened, doctor. I made a promise," he whispered.

"Then maybe I can guess," Culber reasoned.

At that Pike leveled his eyes with his but said nothing. An awkward silence settled between the two occupants of the room for a moment. Culber brought up his medical tricorder and walked around the table to scan his superior officer.

"Your shoulders are tense, your heartbeat and pulse is elevated and your blood pressure is low. Your complexion is ashen and you appear dazed captain," he informed seriously.

Pike chuckled bitterly. "Yeah," he mumbled.

"You need to talk to someone about it captain," Culber tried again, kindly. "If you don't I'll admit you to sickbay for observation. Come to think about maybe I should do that anyway."

Pike hesitated for a moment. "I've- just sealed my faith, doctor and it's left me a little shaken up that's all," he managed darkly.

Hugh studied him for a moment, waiting for him to continue.

"I had no choice," Pike said hollowly. "Who was I to choose something better for myself and discard everything else?"

Culber looked away, over Pike's shoulder, and stared off to space for a moment unsure of what to say.

"Did you die, captain?" he finally managed.

Chris shook his head sadly as he reached for the glass of water standing on his desk. "No," he whispered. "I wish I had, doctor, I really do."

Culber swallowed as he watched his superior officer lift the glass with a shaky hand and stared at it for a moment, his blue eyes glassy.

Pike sighed. "I-, I really wish I had, doctor," he echoed.

Hugh fell silent for a moment as he returned to sit down opposite his superior officer. "Did you-" he began softly.

"Respectfully, doctor," Pike spoke up coldly. "Just leave me the hell alone."

"Sir," the doctor replied seriously in a strong and steady voice. "I can't do that. You're not yourself."

Pike snorted. "I-," he began hesitantly.

"So you survived," Culber deduced.

The captain nodded faintly and swallowed. "I really wish I hadn't, doctor," he pressed wearily, leaving Hugh to wonder, not for the first time, what had actually transpired down on the Klingon moon.

"Sir, whatever happened-"

"Every time I close my eyes," Pike interrupted. "I see him, _me_, and he-"

The captain tightened his grip around the glass and he kept tightening his grip until it cracked and disintegrated, drawing blood from his palm that dripped down on the desk.

Pike stared at it mesmerized without a hint of agony.

"Well, congratulations, now you're in need of more medical attention," Culber said kindly as he leaned forward in the chair.

"Leave it," Pike commanded coldly as the doctor reached for his hand.

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't do that. It would be negligent of me and a direct violation of the Hippocratic Oath."

"I need to feel,-" the captain mused darkly, "-to feel something."

Culber watched him sadly for a moment in understanding. "Believe me, I know what you mean," he replied. "I felt the same way."

"Look," Pike began but the doctor beat him to it.

"Sir, you're the best captain I've ever had the privilege to serve under and I-" he trailed off in search for a better word, "-_we_ need you at your best. We need you to pull yourself together."

Pike nodded grimly. "I guess you're right," he managed with ghost of a smile as he watched the medical officer work on his hand.

It didn't take long and he suddenly wished everything could be that easy to fix.

"There," the doctor beamed. "Your palm is as good as new, sir."

Pike flexed it for a moment and stared at the thin pinkish line that was the only thing that hinted the injury had ever happened and nodded. "Amazing," he marveled. How quickly scars can heal."

Culber sighed. "Captain-"

"If something should happen to me," Pike said dejectedly as he fixed the doctor with a stare. "That leaves me damaged, broken, beyond repair then,_ please_, don't save me."

"That goes against the Hippocratic Oath, sir," Culber replied kindly.

"Believe me, everything can't_ be_ fixed. I've seen my future and I_ don't_ want to go there," Pike said with heavy resignation. "It scares the hell out of me."

"Sir," the doctor managed. "I know it won't bring you any comfort right now and that it's probably not what you want to hear but, time is shapeable. No one's destiny is written beforehand, we_ create_ our own future. It has been proven again and again. Doctor Burnham's travels, the seven signals, Terralysium, my resurrection. Nothing has been prewritten, I believe that we chose our own future, sir."

Pike stared down at the desk.

"And I believe that when the time comes, _if_ the time comes, you'll make the right decision," the doctor added encouragingly. "Besides, you were shown a glimpse of your future where you not?"

To this his captain looked up to face him with a frown.

"What is to say what happens before, what happens after? It wasn't a definite end was it?"

"In a way," Pike let on enigmatically.

"Like I said before, I believe that we can create our future. I believe that the timeline can be restored, that it can be changed. What you saw was a_ possible_ future. It might not even happen."

Chris sighed. He'd considered that but it was the way Tenavik had said it. The way the Klingon told him he'd sealed his faith that weighed heavily on his shoulders. But then again, maybe the doctor was right. Maybe it was just a possible future, not the right future, not _his_ future. Then he recalled Doctor Burnham saying he wouldn't like his future and he certainly hadn't liked what he saw in the monastery.

He let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. Suddenly everything hurt, it felt like he was trapped between present and future, like he was hypersensitive, like he was somehow recuperating from the injuries he had yet to sustain. It felt like his life energy had been drawn out of him, he couldn't explain it, he was just lethargic and he doubted he could even get out of the chair if he had to. His legs felt like jelly and his head felt like it was going to explode at any minute.

He hadn't even noticed Doctor Culber get out of the chair across the desk and walk up to stand next to him. He jerked away in surprise as the good doctor placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it comfortable squeeze while the medical tricorder gave low warning tones.

"Captain," he said softly. "You're-, I can't explain it but your vitals are seriously off. It's like you've just come back from a major accident. It's unstable, like your body is in a state of flux. I don't like it."

Pike waved his concern away as he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'll be fine," he whispered.

Culber pursed his lips into a thin line of displeasure as he took one last look at the medical tricorder in hand. A chill ran down his spine as Pike's words echoed in the back of his head. _'Don't save me._'

He contemplated forcing his superior officer down to sickbay, to be monitored, but decided against it. Instead he offered him a smile and a hand up. "Come on, I'll escort you to your quarters."

A twisted sly grin appeared on Pike's lips as he tilted his head upwards to look at the doctor. "You want me to stare at another set of grey walls?" he quipped.

"No, you're going to sleep and I figure you'd rather do that in your own bed than in sickbay," he answered softly but there was no mistake in the authority in his voice. "Chose wisely, captain."

"You win, Doctor Culber," Chris said with a smirk as he let himself be helped out of the chair.

The doctor, however, didn't let go of his arm.

"I promise you, I won't fall flat on my face. You can let go of my arm," he said dryly.

"It's okay to be vulnerable in front of the crew sometimes, captain. You have their full support. You're not alone on your journey, whatever awaits you."

Pike sighed, he was really feeling awful at the moment.

"I'll help you get to bed and then I'll stay to make sure you're okay, sir," Hugh said softly.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _

_A/N: Canon is a curse sometimes. Christopher Pike's destiny has always affected me badly and I'd like to believe that had the writers made the 'Menagerie' today it would not have ended so badly. In the late sixties no one was ever resurrected but in the eighties Spock died and was reborn. In Voyager Neelix was brought back by Seven of Nine. In Discovery Culber definitely died and then he came back and so on. Anyway, I'm absolutely speechless after all the reviews on the latest chapter, thank you! I hope this chapter wasn't a disappointment ;) _


	15. Such Great Loss

**Chapter Fifteen**

_Such Sweet Sorrow –_ Such Great Loss

All those sacrifices, it weighted him down, every time he managed to pull himself together fate seemed to deliver another blow that left him staggering. He was on the verge of losing control, on the verge of giving in to the insanity that threatened to take hold, to pull him in.

Captain Christopher Pike was standing on the bridge of his beloved ship, the _USS Enterprise_, but it came with a bittersweet feeling and a heavy heart as he was still staring out into space, at the last known location of the _USS Discovery._

The crew whose respect he had worked hard to get, the crew he'd helped to heal from the blows fate had delivered them, was no more. All of them gone, never to be seen again, like they'd never even existed in the first place. He recalled the gentle smile on Michael Burnham's lips, the gratitude in her eyes, as she'd called out his name and straightened her posture to show her respect for him as he was about to disembark. The rest of them, Owo, Detmer, Saru, Bryce, Nhan, all of them, had stood at loose attention, no words necessary. He was proud of all of them as he returned the gesture and then quickly bowed out before his façade cracked. They were going into a battle from which there was no point of return; to him they were true heroes.

Pike took a few steps back and slumped down in the captain's chair, exhausted and worn-out. At least control had been defeated and that meant that the automated ships had been powered down. An eerie silence had settled over the battleground, not that sound was transplanting itself in space, but he imagined it like a hollowness, a void that had been created by the losses they'd suffered.

His head was another matter. He still heard the cries of the crewmen, his crewmen, while being tossed out in space as the hull gave away. He saw the Admiral before him, performing her final act in life, saw her being engulfed in the hot white glow of firepower as the torpedo exploded. Just like that, in the wink of an eye, she was gone along with a horrendous portion of the _Enterprise's_ forward saucer section.

Damage reports where coming in from all decks and it wasn't looking good. Structural integrity was failing, the ship was in dire need of repairs. It should have felt like a victory, they'd just saved the universe, but all he felt was melancholy and a sense of despair.

"Stand down from Red Alert," he said seriously as he suddenly noted the klaxon was still blaring.

"Standing down from Red Alert, sir," Number One confirmed softly as she watched the feed from the view screen with sadness. "You know, if it weren't for her we'd all be dead."

Pike nodded as he let out a quivering breath and forced himself to straighten in the chair. "I tried to stop her," he whispered. "This is my ship, my command. I should have-"

"No," Spock finally spoke up from where he was seated, at the science station to the captain's right. "Her actions were logical. She would have returned to Starfleet Headquarters, the _Enterprise_ would have been left without her captain."

Pike glared at his science officer, suddenly angered by the way the Vulcan had sanctioned her death, like it had been the right thing to do.

"Mr. Spock," Pike admonished.

"I wasn't finished, captain," the Vulcan said calmly as he turned toward the weary man at the center of the bridge. "You need to stop thinking of yourself as expendable. Admiral Cornwell saw and acknowledged you as the brightest captain in the fleet. She simply couldn't afford to lose you. None of us could."

"Now is not the time for flattery," Pike replied sharply, his voice low.

"I flatter no one, sir, I am simply telling you the truth. Whether you feel that is flattering or not simply has no meaning."

Pike narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he thought he heard a snort and saw Number One's lips twitch upwards in what appeared to be amusement. His XO turned around in her chair. "In other words, stop being so thickheaded, sir," she added. "We didn't finally get you back onboard just to lose you."

Chris smirked and broke into a typical wry smile, his dimples appearing, making him look cunning and amused at the same time. "If you're done with the pep-talk you'll have to excuse me, I need to head down to sickbay,"

"Remember, captain, that you did your best," Number One called after him as he headed for the turbolift.

OOOOOO

Spock sighed as he walked into his quarters and glanced around room. The battle had been violent and the explosion that had rocked the ship, threatening to tear her apart, had disposed all the loose items on the floor. He walked up to the Vulcan charms that glittered on the floor, the bells clanging beautifully as he lifted the delicate piece of artisanship. He'd brought it with him from home and although he wasn't sentimental a pang of regret washed over him. He saw his sister before him as she smiled at him, clad in that time suit. She had said that she loved him with such affection and conviction. He would miss her terribly even though there was no logical explanation for it. He assumed, he had too, to keep his sanity intact, that she'd made it to the other side.

None of that made sense because love was a human emotion and since he didn't know with certainty that she had died it wasn't logical to mourn her loss. The trouble was that there would be no way of knowing unless she sent that seventh signal to confirm her safe travel. He needed closure so that he could start to heal and, until then, he would keep watching the sky every night for a sign as long as it took.

OOOOOO

Christopher Pike swallowed, his mouth dry as he stopped short just inside the crowded sickbay. People lay everywhere, doctors rushed back and forth across the room, their uniforms bloodied.

"You're not injured are you?" A voice called from somewhere across the room.

Pike glanced around to finally spot his CMO leave the bedside of a young ensign with a rather ugly looking gash that started just above the temple and ended below her jaw.

They met halfway across the large medical bay.

Boyce quickly scanned his friend and commanding officer for any sign of injury and let out a sigh of relief as Pike appeared to be fine, at least physically.

"How many did we lose?" the captain asked grimly, his eyes dark and haunted.

Boyce sighed in frustration, it was just typical of Chris to be straight to the point and to place the blame on his own shoulders. "You and I need to have a drink when all this is over," Phil muttered as he nodded at the medical board situated at the middle of the room.

They walked up to it and the good doctor quickly entered a series of commands. "All in all we have eighty six casualties. We've lost twenty so far, most of them were spaced when the hull gave away."

Pike pursed his lips into a thin line of displeasure. "So I've managed to get half the crew injured," he mused darkly.

"Stop it," Boyce demanded. "I'm not allowed to hit a superior officer, that would violate the Hippocratic Oath and, not to mention, get me court-martialed. I swear sometimes, Chris, I wish I'd be able to get some sense into you."

The captain broke into a cunning grin that momentarily confused the doctor. "Number One figured you'd read me the riot," he offered smartly.

"She's a good ally to have on the bridge. Someone who can look after you when you're incapable of doing it yourself," he muttered.

"Give me a list of the names of the deceased," Pike replied hollowly.

Boyce nodded. "Tomorrow," he said enigmatically.

The captain frowned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"When everything has calmed down a little and you've had some sleep," he added softly and gently squeezed his friend's shoulder. "Now, go and do what you must and then go to sleep, Chris. You look like death warmed over."

"Thanks," Pike drawled sarcastically.

"You'd better do as I say," Boyce replied seriously and then added warmly. "I never got a chance to tell you before but I'm glad to have you back onboard."

OOOOOO

Number One stared at the nothingness before her as she took the turbolift down to what should have been the continuation of a corridor and a conference room on deck five. She shuddered as she recalled her conversation with Admiral Cornwell. She hadn't known it then but it was the last conversation she would ever have with the tough woman. She appreciated the Admiral for her honesty and straight-forwardness and for her courage. Number One wasn't so sure she had what it took to sacrifice herself for the sake of others but then again, in trying times, who knew. She wouldn't hesitate to give up her life for Chris's and in a way that was what the admiral had done without further thought.

She stared out through the foreboding gap in the saucer section as two tow ships gently latched on to _Enterprise_ to guide her into spacedock once again. It grated on her nerves to go back to the place they'd just left but it was far better than the alternative. Everything was going to be fine again, now that Spock and Chris was back onboard. Order had been restored to the chaos that had followed since the latter had left for a temporary command of the _Discovery_. It hadn't been the same without him around, she'd missed him terribly. Number One just hoped he would be able to bounce back on his feet after everything he'd been through because she was worried about him. She saw the haunted look in Chris's eyes when he thought no one else was watching. It was frustrating not to be able to help him, they'd shared everything before because they'd been through it together, now she had no idea what had happened during those months while he'd been away.

Number One sighed wearily. She would help him in every way she could and she would start doing it by making sure everyone was accounted for, that every spare part was booked at the spacedock, that the funeral procession that was to be hold in cargobay one was set up. It would take her some time to replicate twenty coffins so she might as well start immediately and then she would swing by sickbay to make sure everything was in order. Number One gently dabbed away the wetness under her eyes and took a deep breath. Everything would be okay, now was not the time to break apart.

OOOOOO

His quarters looked the same as they had several months ago when he'd first left the ship but_ he_ wasn't the same person who'd left. So much had happened, it felt like he'd aged ten years, like his joints and muscles had stiffened and the beginning of grey hairs had morphed into a mop of gray while the faint wrinkles around his eyes had become more pronounced and the lines creasing his forehead had deepened.

Christopher Pike sighed as he watched the mirror image of someone who'd seen too much too soon. He turned away in dismay as the adrenaline was starting to leave his body and his legs barely carried him across the room to the bed. He crashed down on it and grimaced as he began to unzip his yellow uniform tunic. He really should take a shower, shave, have something to eat but he couldn't, he didn't have any energy left, he was simply exhausted.

He'd been afraid that the moment his head hit the pillow, and he closed his eyes, he would see the faces of those he'd lost. However, he hadn't needed to fear such a thing because his mind and body simply gave in to the darkness and whisked him away to a place where no one could reach him, to a place that would slowly begin to heal all the scars inflicted upon his soul.

OOOOOO

_To be continued _


	16. Epilogue

**Chapter Sixteen**

_Such Sweet Sorrow –_ Epilogue

Christopher Pike found himself smiling for no apparent reason, the ship was doing cruise speed, warp two, the destination set for the newly discovered moon at Edrin II. The trip was uneventful, boring even, but his lips was nevertheless curling upwards.

Four-hundred-and twenty-four days had passed, he'd almost given up hope, but then suddenly the seventh red signal appeared. Commander Burnham had pulled it off, _Discovery_ was safe and, if he was about to guess, orbiting the planet Terralysium. For the first time in many months, even before he'd embarked on the journey to follow the red signals from the bridge of the_ Discovery_, he let his guard down and let out a relieved breath. 'Control' really was gone, everything had returned to normal and the people he'd come to respect and call a family onboard the _Discovery_ were safe. He wished he could talk to them, congratulate them, but he knew the new temporal prime directive would forever change the way the Federation and Starfleet viewed time intrusion and distortions. He could only hope he'd set a good example for the many generations that would follow him until time had caught up with Michael, Saru, Tilly and the rest.

"Captain," Number One called. "We'll arrive at our destination within two minutes."

"Dropping out of warp, sir," Lieutenant Amin informed.

The _Enterprise_ smoothly decelerated to sub-light speed and gently eased into orbit around Edrin II, the small moon glittering in the light of the sun.

"That's some moon," Lieutenant Nicola said with admiration.

"Sure is, lieutenant," Pike replied.

"It looks like a solid golden ball," Una remarked.

"Worth its weight in gold then, Number One?" Pike asked, unable to stop himself.

"Scanners are not picking up the pure metal you're referring to," Spock informed in an even voice as he straightened in his chair and let go of the protruding scanner array in front of him. "It is strange."

Pike frowned as he curiously turned in his chair to face his science officer. "How so?" he asked.

"Sensors show the landscape is barren yet I see blotches of bright green vegetation."

"Not possible," Number One said. "Vegetation requires oxygen, the atmosphere is not capable of sustaining any kind of lifeform or plant."

The captain got out of his chair and was just about to make his way over to the science station as Boyce's voice boomed jovially across the bridge. "The geophysicists, botanists and landscape engineers will have a field day," he said as he exited the turbolift.

"Greetings, doctor," Spock acknowledged.

"Something on your mind, Phil?" Pike asked curiously, thinking he'd forgotten to sign something.

"Yes, I'd like you to accompany me to sickbay," he deadpanned as he walked up to stand next to the captain. "Regulations require that I report your health back to Starfleet Medical once a year, remember?"

Pike pursed his lips into a thin line of displeasure at the mention of the annual check-up. Had he not visited sickbay enough as it was during his time onboard the _Discovery_? "I can assure you, Phil, there is nothing wrong with me," he said. "And I think you know that."

Boyce patted him on the shoulder as he steered his superior officer toward the turbolift. "Then you have nothing to worry about," he replied with a cunning smirk.

"Actually, I was going to take a team with me to the moon," Pike replied.

"Let the others have some fun for a change, Chris," the good doctor reasoned and blinked at Number One behind the captain's back. "You've been avoiding your annual check-up ever since _Discovery_ left and I don't think I need to remind you that almost one-hundred-and-twenty-five-days have passed since then."

"One-hundred-and-twenty-four-point-five days," Spock corrected, eliciting an arched eyebrow from the captain and a somewhat resigned look from the doctor.

Boyce sighed as he looked from the captain to Spock and then back again. "I decided to cut you some slack and figured you were busy but now my patience has run out so I've come to get you," he finished.

"Enjoy your stay in sickbay, captain," Spock said.

Pike turned to glare at him and saw to his astonishment that the Vulcan had the faintest of smiles on his lips. He narrowed his eyes as he glanced around the bridge and found that Number One looked overly innocent.

"You've planned this," he deduced in a subdued tone of voice as he looked from Una to Spock and then back again. "How very cunning of you."

"How very thoughtful of you," Boyce corrected with a smile. "Let's face it, Chris, they care about you in more ways than one and so do I. That moon is no fun anyway and you've had your share of adventures for a while."

Chris grumbled and turned to face a smug looking CMO as the turbolift door closed behind them. "You just had to wait until we got here didn't you?" he stated.

"You don't have to look so disappointed. I thought you'd like some quality time with your doctor," Boyce said jovially.

"You know, I don't particularly like to be scanned, prodded, hooked up to various machines for fitness tests, or to have blood drawn from my veins," he replied unamused.

"How about I offer you a drink when we're done?" Phil suggested slyly. "No alcohol of course, since we're both on duty.

Pike smirked. "Someday we'll have to talk about your definition of a drink," he said as his lips twitched upwards in a faint grin. "When is your annual check-up by the way?"

The good doctor stiffened. "Why do you ask?" he managed.

Pike shrugged. "No particular reason. I just want to make sure we're near a medical facility, preferably a starbase then so that it can be done properly. It would save young Doctor M'Benga and Doctor Rose the trouble."

Boyce chuckled. "Okay, I take that as a refusal to have a drink with a friend and colleague. You know I had planned to try out the new trial durability test on Spock but now I suddenly see this as a golden opportunity-"

"Don't mention the word gold," Pike interrupted.

Boyce shook his head in amusement. "Chris, next time you're thinking of jumping ship, think again. We've missed you, nothing has been the same without you around you know, you and that elf."

It was Pike's time to laugh. "He's a Vulcan, Phil," he corrected.

"I know he is, Chris, but he looks like an elf," the doctor argued softly. "Never mind, you've turned him into a brilliant officer over the past five years."

The captain nodded. "Then he'll excel over the next five-year-mission," he said with a wry grin. "Now, let's get this over with."

OOOOOO

_The End _

_A/N: Thank you all for following this story ;) Captain Pike has left the Discovery now which means that "Human Error" has come to an end. As for the character of Doctor Boyce, I want to believe that he and Pike are as close as Jim and Bones. _


End file.
